Wild@Heart

"You see things now; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'... Keep your dreams alive.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Throwing Out A Line

You may or may not have seen the show "River Monsters" on Animal Planet. I love that show, and I realized today that I feel like Jeremy Wade.

Jeremy Wade, the star of the show, spends hours waiting to catch these crazy big fish. He will get the fish he has been waiting for on the line, but as he is reeling it in he runs into a problem. The fish puts up more of a fight than Jeremy initially thought he would. He pulls and pulls and reels it in as fast as he can but no matter how hard he tries, the fish continuously pulls out more line than Jeremy can gain.

On one end of the line, Jeremy fights these fish for hours on end without making any progress. He reels in four feet of line, the fish pulls out five feet. He wrestles relentlessly to catch what he knows is a big fish. It means so much to him that he risks his life just to get a glimpse of the fish, just to touch them and see them.
And the whole time he is trying to reel this fish in, he knows how important it is to get the fish on board his boat. He knows that if he can just hold on a little longer, get through the temporary pain he is feeling as he fights, that the reward will be worth it. His body hurts, he is emotionally and mentally spent from putting everything he has into this fight, but it's worth it to him. So he keeps trying.

On the other end of the line, the fish is fighting just as hard to get away. The fish pulls and pulls against the line wondering why he can't swim away. He doesn't understand that Jeremy's intent isnt to hurt him.

The reality is that only two things can happen: the line breaks or the fish is caught. If he is finally reeled in, Jeremy only looks at them and then releases them, no harm done. But if the line breaks, or Jeremy is forced to cut the line, the fish will carry that hook in his mouth for a long time, possibly forever. It may cause pain or discomfort for the rest of that fish's life. But the fish doesn't realize that. He fights to get away anyways.

Do you get my connection to relationships/friendships in our lives here?

There's Jeremy, fighting for something that is so important to him. Willing to risk life and limb just for a few minutes of contact with this prize he is pursuing. Knowing full well that what he is fighting for is priceless to him.

And then there's the fish, fighting to get away from something. He doesn't know what it is that is pulling on him, he doesn't understand why whatever is holding him won't let go. He just fights to get away because it's all he knows. It is the nature of the fish to get away, despite the fact that it will cause him a bit of pain and discomfort that won't ever go away.

They are both just as determined, one pulling one way, the other pulling just as hard in the opposite direction. At the end of all of this only two things can happen.
The first senario is that you catch the fish. You reel the fish in, you get your encounter. You've been pursuing this for however long, and you get what you wanted. You're happy, the fish is finally set free with no pain, no hurt, and he goes on to live his life. This is the happy ending, but it isn't generally the one that happens, unfortunately.

However, the more common senario isn't so happy, but it tends to be the one that occurs more (in my life). In this case, after fighting too long, Jeremy realizes that he isn't making any progress. Every effort he makes to connect with this fish fails, and no matter how hard he tries, he knows that he isn't ever going to get this fish back close enough to him. The fish is so determined to get away that the fight isn't worth the hurt and effort Jeremy experiences. It's too dangerous, too painful.

So he cuts the line. It's the only option. He has to decide to cut the line before it breaks with no warning. And the danger of the line breaking is that it is so unexpected that the ramifications of the line breaking could hurt you even more.

So he snips the line. He cuts that last small tie connecting himself to the one thing that he wants more than anything. He ends hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. And in the end, the fish is left with a big hook in its mouth. The fish carries that pain/discomfort forever. (I don't know how long or if it hurts but it can't be comfortable to have a big ol' metal hook in your mouth for the rest of your life). Sad ending for both things involved.

This post is so jumbled and weird and dumb but it made sense to me. I feel like Jeremy Wade.
This is him by the way. Watch the show. It's incredible. (Got this pic from Google)



My first day of externship went well. However, news today made the future job situation much more complicated. I wish I knew what was going to happen. Time is a-flyin' away from me.

I miss my friends so bad. I miss HAVING friends so bad. Things are so hard.
Is it worth this?!? Because the days are ticking by faster than you think. Before you know it, time is up and you missed your chance all together. And I don't think I want that to happen. ughhuhhhh.
I wish I had some new pictures to post.
Happy Monday..or whatever. :)

♫I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye. And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you, I hope you know that every time I don't...I almost do♫ Taylor Swift

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