Heartbroken=Forever Incomplete

Have you ever given just a piece of your heart away to someone and never gotten it back?
Well I have.
Now my second question is have you ever looked at a puzzle that's done but its missing just one or two pieces?
No matter how beautiful the complete puzzle is, you cant help but focus on the fact that those pieces are missing. It makes the whole picture incomplete. Even one small corner piece can be missing. It may seem insignificant, but it takes the beauty out of the picture.

I feel like that puzzle. I feel like I've lost a couple of crucial pieces of me that I won't ever get back. I know I may be happy or whatever someday, and I know God can restore my life and marriage, but I'll never be complete again.
And yes, I know God can fill that hole, but I believe God brings friends into your life for a purpose, and when they are ripped out of your life, as well as your heart, it leaves a gaping hole that won't ever completely heal.

I used to think I had some really good friends, friends that made me realize people aren't all that bad. I have had trust issues for ever because people absolutely love to feed you bull about how you are a good friend and how you mean something to them, but I constantly wake up the next day alone.

I was wrong though. I finally realized today that maybe we never were friends. We never had a real relationship. I thought we did, but turns out I'm just as gullible and naive as ever, and I let myself get invested in a friendship and I got burnt. Again.

This sounds like I'm just complaining but that's not all it is. I let my heart love so easily because I want to believe the best in people. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. The worst part is that those "friends" don't even realize what they are doing. People continuously take advantage of me. So, I'm done.
I'm done making an effort to be friends with people that don't truly care.
I'm ok with being lonely.
I'm ok with being unhappy.
I'm ok with that. And I'll be fine.
But my heart hurts today. And I feel like it will for a very long time. I dare say my heart broke a little today.

And so begins the healing process. Again.
So the walls around my heart are back up. Again.

I am so ready to get out of here. There has to be something more out there than heartache, let downs, disappointment, and failure.

Lord this is the hardest season I've ever been through. Just when I thought I had something that would get me through, just when I felt things were getting easier/better, its ripped out from under me. I don't understand it. I'm lonely and scared and hurting, but I have to trust Your plan for my life. Whatever that might be.

So that's all for today. The point of this post was for me to get that out. I am sick of crying today.
May not write anymore either. Probably done. With everything.
And I'm in major need of some restoration. Because I'm depressed.  And I'm scared.
One last thing..I've always been that girl that said "No, Jesus can't come back yet. There's too much I want to do still!!" But I've realized its not worth it ha
As of today, I'm ready to meet Jesus. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to live in a world like this anymore. I've never felt that way before but I definitely do now.

Blah blah blah blah. Today has been hard.
I've whined and complained enough for a lifetime though so I'm done talking.
Have a happy monday :) I know I sure am..