Throwing Out A Line

You may or may not have seen the show "River Monsters" on Animal Planet. I love that show, and I realized today that I feel like Jeremy Wade.

Jeremy Wade, the star of the show, spends hours waiting to catch these crazy big fish. He will get the fish he has been waiting for on the line, but as he is reeling it in he runs into a problem. The fish puts up more of a fight than Jeremy initially thought he would. He pulls and pulls and reels it in as fast as he can but no matter how hard he tries, the fish continuously pulls out more line than Jeremy can gain.

On one end of the line, Jeremy fights these fish for hours on end without making any progress. He reels in four feet of line, the fish pulls out five feet. He wrestles relentlessly to catch what he knows is a big fish. It means so much to him that he risks his life just to get a glimpse of the fish, just to touch them and see them.
And the whole time he is trying to reel this fish in, he knows how important it is to get the fish on board his boat. He knows that if he can just hold on a little longer, get through the temporary pain he is feeling as he fights, that the reward will be worth it. His body hurts, he is emotionally and mentally spent from putting everything he has into this fight, but it's worth it to him. So he keeps trying.

On the other end of the line, the fish is fighting just as hard to get away. The fish pulls and pulls against the line wondering why he can't swim away. He doesn't understand that Jeremy's intent isnt to hurt him.

The reality is that only two things can happen: the line breaks or the fish is caught. If he is finally reeled in, Jeremy only looks at them and then releases them, no harm done. But if the line breaks, or Jeremy is forced to cut the line, the fish will carry that hook in his mouth for a long time, possibly forever. It may cause pain or discomfort for the rest of that fish's life. But the fish doesn't realize that. He fights to get away anyways.

Do you get my connection to relationships/friendships in our lives here?

There's Jeremy, fighting for something that is so important to him. Willing to risk life and limb just for a few minutes of contact with this prize he is pursuing. Knowing full well that what he is fighting for is priceless to him.

And then there's the fish, fighting to get away from something. He doesn't know what it is that is pulling on him, he doesn't understand why whatever is holding him won't let go. He just fights to get away because it's all he knows. It is the nature of the fish to get away, despite the fact that it will cause him a bit of pain and discomfort that won't ever go away.

They are both just as determined, one pulling one way, the other pulling just as hard in the opposite direction. At the end of all of this only two things can happen.
The first senario is that you catch the fish. You reel the fish in, you get your encounter. You've been pursuing this for however long, and you get what you wanted. You're happy, the fish is finally set free with no pain, no hurt, and he goes on to live his life. This is the happy ending, but it isn't generally the one that happens, unfortunately.

However, the more common senario isn't so happy, but it tends to be the one that occurs more (in my life). In this case, after fighting too long, Jeremy realizes that he isn't making any progress. Every effort he makes to connect with this fish fails, and no matter how hard he tries, he knows that he isn't ever going to get this fish back close enough to him. The fish is so determined to get away that the fight isn't worth the hurt and effort Jeremy experiences. It's too dangerous, too painful.

So he cuts the line. It's the only option. He has to decide to cut the line before it breaks with no warning. And the danger of the line breaking is that it is so unexpected that the ramifications of the line breaking could hurt you even more.

So he snips the line. He cuts that last small tie connecting himself to the one thing that he wants more than anything. He ends hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. And in the end, the fish is left with a big hook in its mouth. The fish carries that pain/discomfort forever. (I don't know how long or if it hurts but it can't be comfortable to have a big ol' metal hook in your mouth for the rest of your life). Sad ending for both things involved.

This post is so jumbled and weird and dumb but it made sense to me. I feel like Jeremy Wade.
This is him by the way. Watch the show. It's incredible. (Got this pic from Google)

My first day of externship went well. However, news today made the future job situation much more complicated. I wish I knew what was going to happen. Time is a-flyin' away from me.

I miss my friends so bad. I miss HAVING friends so bad. Things are so hard.
Is it worth this?!? Because the days are ticking by faster than you think. Before you know it, time is up and you missed your chance all together. And I don't think I want that to happen. ughhuhhhh.
I wish I had some new pictures to post.
Happy Monday..or whatever. :)

♫I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye. And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you, I hope you know that every time I don't...I almost do♫ Taylor Swift

10,000 Words

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS A LOT OF PICTURES! =]

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to Brown County State Park and Nashville with my family (including my grandparents). We had a blast. So, here are some pictures.

Just some pretty scenery.

This was my favorite picture from the day. The park was gorgeous.

Me & My Daddy at the park :) I love him.

And Me and my sister (in-law) on our tire horses!

I love these carriage horses. And we ate lots of junk food. Like kettle corn and caramel apples- a personal favorite.

I'm not really sure what these are called but they are so pretty.

Then a couple nights ago there was a really pretty sunset...I didn't edit this picture at all...straight off the camera. It was so pretty.

And of course pictures from the barn this morning.

The fearsome-foursome :) Mav, Khan, Berni and Dolce.

And because my family is beautiful :) One last picture of us from Nashville.
The "Wild" family :)

(Sorry these pictures aren't great. Somebody (ME) left her camera at the house. So most of these are off my phone, or my grandpa took them.)

Have a lovely week!!

♫ I miss the colors that you brought into my life- Your golden smile, those
blue-green eyes. I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now saying it'll be alright. I miss my friend. The one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with, the one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again, & let the light back in..I miss my friend. ♫ -Darrell Worley

Let Me Love You

♫ Every now &then, some little thing, I've buried comes bubblin' up. Once in a while, you feel close enough to touch. I miss you a little since you've been gone. A few little memories keep hangin' on.
I miss you a little, I guess you could say..
A little too much, a little too often, a little more every day ♫

Have you ever said goodbye to someone [who means a lot to you] somewhat casually, like you do every day, but it just feels different this time? Like they were just saying "Goodbye" as in "See you later", but deep in you heart you knew YOU were saying a forever goodbye? I hadn't really experienced that before. Until now. And honestly? I have nothing more to say. I'm sad Sarai today. This has been the hardest, most emotional year of my life.

But here's what I learned/realized. I'm still in a huge storm. Things are so hard. But.. There's a season for that. (Ecc. 3)

When things feel so hopeless and sad & it seems like nothing is going right for you.
There's a season for that.
When things feel great and it's like life can't ever get any better than it is now.
There's a season for that.
When you feel as if you're all alone in everything you face, like you have no friends or anyone standing by you.
There's a season for that.
When you feel like you're losing everything that ever meant anything to you. When you feel things are harder than they've ever been &you don't want to be strong anymore?
There's a season for that.

There's a right time for everything. There is a reason for the season you are in right now. It may seem like you have been in the midst of a storm for too long. Believe me, that's how I feel. But I keep telling myself that God is going "keep pushing through it, breakthrough is right around the corner. But you have to keep going."
I know a quote that says something to the effect of: "Sometimes God will let you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that HE is the rock at the bottom". So, don't give up on him. God won't give you more than you can handle. That's a promise.
Speaking of promises. Here's a rainbow for your rainy day.

I get sick of people saying "Things will get better". It's too cliche. I've been hearing that for weeks MONTHS now, and I know that things are maybe getting better somehow, somewhere, but I don't see it yet. And as much as I hate people telling me that...it's true. I don't know when it's going to happen. I don't know how long I have to wait for these better things/days. But I know it's coming. It has to be.
_____________________________________________________________________

Just a favorite picture of mine. Wanted to bring it back. On a completely unrelated note...
Don't stop love. :) Don't fight it. Love who you love with all that you have, and don't waste the time that flies so fast. Hold on as tight as they'll let you.
You never know when you won't get another opportunity to tell someone how your really feel. To show them how much they really mean to you. Don't waste time. Because there isn't much time left. And if you don't say and do what you want, that regret will eat you up for the rest of your life.
So say it. And mean it with all that's in you. Overuse "I love you".
You won't regret it.

A super true quote from One Tree Hill (I don't watch this show, but I ran across this quote and I loved it)

~Most of our life is a series of images - they pass us by like towns on a highway.
But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image...
We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.~

Have a happy weekend!! Jesus loves you :)

♫ I saw ya yesterday with an old friend
It was the same ole same "how have you been"
Since you been gone my worlds been dark & gray.
You reminded me of brighter days
I hoped you were comin' home to stay.
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today..♫-Kid Rock (a good rainy day song)

The Voyage

The first thing you need to know is that I have never ridden a roller coaster. Ever. And I never will.

With that being said, although I've never experienced it, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it should or would feel like to be on one. Because lets face it, I'm pretty smart. :)
I understand now what people mean when they say "Life is a roller coaster ride". This week is like the build up to the action. I can feel myself chug-chug-chugging along up this crazy steep incline. I am getting excited and anxious because every once in a while I catch a glimpse of what is coming up. You get that tightness in your stomach, fear mixed with excitement, because you know what's coming, but you aren't quite there yet.
This weekend is going to be when I hit the peak, the highest point before the drop of my roller coaster. I've been on this ride for 16 months now. I've been watching for this incline, but for so long the tracks keep rolling out in front of me, turn after turn, some periods of long, flat, boring track. But now I've come around the last bend, I'm climbing the hill, and finally I can see the ridiculous drop that I've waited the whole ride for.

I start my 8 week externship on Monday at the best vet clinic EVER.. It's going to be a blast.
I'm so ready to be done with school. I already feel like life is finally slowing down which is so nice.
So yay for today. Things are changing so fast and I am loving it. This is change I've been waiting for :)

This is just a cool picture..I thought, from the other morning. It's not good quality because I was driving and it's off my phone. But there was this big dark wall of clouds and the sun was coming through at just one spot. I thought it was pretty :)

Have a happy Tuesday! I know I am :)

♫ I still love you, and I will forever.
We can't hide the truth, we know each other better.
When we try to make it work, we both end up hurt-
Love ain't supposed to be that way...
I know everything is gonna be ok, so baby stay.♫ -Jimmy Wayne

Mind Games

This post is going to be a bit jumbled. Just some things going on in my head tonight.

First- I hate awkward moments. A lot. Especially when it is with someone you used to be able to talk to so easily. Don't get me wrong, it takes a lot for me to actually say "that was an awkward moment". Silence isn't awkward for me. But forced conversations and abrupt endings are.
Recently, I have had a few of these awkward moments with people that used to be really close to me, with people that used to be people that I could talk to for hours without a second of silence. Suddenly it feels like they are just trying to end the conversation, or not even give it a chance to start. You grow apart for whatever reason, and then when you finally make a concerted effort to rekindle that friendship, it ends up one of those awkward moments. Which sucks. And it's crazy to me that you can look back at those insanely long conversations you used to have and just a little bit of time can pass and boom...it's weird between us.
I don't know why I feel so bothered by this. I'm sure the situation that happened that made me write this was just a misunderstanding. But it's hard for me to not get my feelings hurt. It's hard not to say something like "geez what in the world happened tonight?!?"
I just miss having friends. I feel like I don't have any friends I can just talk to and that's the worst feeling. Not a fun place to be. Hopefully this season is over soon. Ugh.

Which kinda leads me to my second rant. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO over cell phones. I deleted my Facebook a couple weeks ago and it's the best thing I've done. I'm sick of social media stuff :) But lately cell phones just make me depressed. I don't talk to anyone but Cody once in a while on it. So it's just a constant reminder that I don't have anyone talking to me/to talk to. Which is pathetic. I wish I lived in a time where we didn't have cell phones and texting and facebook. Things would be so much simpler. Less ways for drama, less complications, less ways to feel let down. Relationships would be so much more intimate because people would actually talk...what a novel idea. RANT RANT RANT.
I've always wished I had been born 100 years earlier. I don't belong here. But here I am- making the best of it.

Looking at the way things are in my life right now, and knowing things are going to change drastically in just 2 months, I'm feeling a bit like I'm racing against time. I have relationships that need mended before I leave for good. I have things that need done before life moves on, and I have this sickening feeling that I may end up driving away from this town with some loose ends that have yet to be tied..and never will be. And that scares me. Sometimes, second chances are hard to come by.

I'm having these crazy realizations lately. Like I'm graduating college. I'm moving away. I won't be in school anymore at all. I won't see my friends from school probably ever again. I've grown to really cherish some of my girlfriends at school and those friendships have slowly faded down to nothing as we all realize this season is coming to a close.
Everything is changing so fast. It's like I've been looking forward to these big moments for months, even years, and now that it's here, it's scarier than I imagined it would be. Lots of unknowns.

RANT RANT RANT. GRIPE GRIPE GRIPE. Sorry :)
Now a cute picture of Nando. With a sock on his nose. Just because it's funny and he lets me do it :)

Smile. Know things will change eventually. Just keep swimming.

♫So don't smile at me if it ain't what you need
With that goodbye in your eyes
I know that I can't change it ♫ -Zac Brown Band "Goodbye In Her Eyes"

Some Morning Silliness

You can't not smile when you see this guy in the morning.
(he has hay stuck to his face)
I love the horses at my barn so much. :)

So things are complicated right now. I used to have a pretty good idea of how things would go in a couple months, or at least what I wanted things to be like. But now...well God threw a curveball :) And truthfully, I'm okay with that.
I'm trusting things will line up by the time they need to. God's got this under control.

-No interview in Lexington this weekend. :(
-Only 5 days of college class left :)
-I love my family. I love my friends. I love my dog.
-I won the photo "scavenger hunt" @ school

I'm not feeling very inspired anymore. So..nothing good to say.

Have a blessed week!


♫ I'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar.
But with all my inspiration gone, it's not getting me very far.
I look around the room and everything I see reminds me of you.
Please, baby, won't you take my hand-we've got nothing left to lose. ♫

Birds & Songs

Ok. Today was awful. Well part of today.
Not many people know this about me...it's my deep dark secret. But I'm afraid of birds. Borderline terrified. I hate all of them. Chickens, turkeys, parrots, whatever. They all scare me.
Laugh all you want but it's the truth. So when it came to getting through the bird part of my vet tech schooling where I actually had to hold them and such...it was a challenge. But I got past that 8 weeks. And I may eventually need therapy. *joking*

So today I had a test in my large animal class..I'm waiting in the classroom with all my friends doing some last minute studying like always, and then my teacher walks in...with a big ol' bird on her shoulder.
Now as long as it stays up there with her and FAR AWAY FROM ME I was fine. But as soon as the classroom door shut that dumb bird flew all over the room, landing on people's shoulders, flying around all crazy. And needless to say, I immediately forgot everything I previously knew about Gastrointestinal and Neurological diseases in horses.
My morning was traumatic. :)

I don't know whose kid this is, I saw the picture on Pinterest. But lets be real. That's the face I make when I see birds...like today.

___________________________________________________________________________

I'm gonna start this next part with an apology. I'm sorry that I relate everything back to a country music song. It's all I listen to and I love every bit of it. So deal.
Kenny Chesney has a song called "I Go Back". And it's kinda about how when he hears a certain song it takes him back to a special memory or whatever. (I heard it today, twice, and it really got me thinking about which songs really spark something with me. It got me reminiscing, which is also one of my favorite things to do. Because life used to be a lot simpler, a lot more fun.)

Well I love those moments. I love hearing that special song come on the radio and it immediately brings a smile to your face or even a tear to your eye.
For example: When you have best friend/boyfriend/love/whatever it is, every song is "your song". You feel you can relate to almost any song in some small way. But there's always a song that you feel really defines your relationship.

Like the song "We Got Us" by Canaan Smith brings back memories of when Cody and I first met.
Every Sugarland song makes me smile because one of the best nights of my life was going to the Sugarland concert last year FOR FREE with my best friend and her guy (plus me and Cody) and we looked fabulous :)

And then there are songs that just plain make you smile. Just hearing those first few chords, those first few words of a song can make your heart skip a beat.
Like the song "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line.
I love that song so much for so many reasons. It's safe to say it's my favorite song right now, and I love it not only because it's a good song, but because it makes me think of a lot of good times. Especially now. It hits my heart like no song has in a while, and just hearing it start gives me chills :)

And I even have that with my best friend. Pretty much every country song that came out before 2010 has some sort of great memory attached to it with Victoria (my bff).
The song "Austin" by Blake Shelton brings back soooooooo many memories. We were obsessed with that song, so much so that we changed our voicemails on our phones to be like "blah blah blah and P.S. if this is Victoria/Sarai, I still love you" hah Until we realized how weird that was. Then we grew up a little bit. I really miss my best friend. :/

Songs have the ability to change my whole day in a matter of minutes. I love music as much as anyone else, but I am just crazy about those songs that really tug at my heart strings. I'm such a girl. I'm feeling so nostalgic today. It must be the weather. Thank God it's Friday night.

P.S. I just looked it up and I have Ornithophobia. An abnormal or irrational fear of birds. :) Pray for me.


♫It's like a storm that cuts a path, It breaks your will..It feels like that
You think you're lost, But you're not lost on your own. You're not alone.

I will stand by you. I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope, I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry, I know it's dark, this part of life.
Oh it finds us all, and we're too small to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains, I will stand by you♫
-Rascal Flatts

Have a good weekend loves!
And remember, every storm runs out of rain. This too shall pass.

By The Way..

I updated my photography website. And it's 100 times more beautiful now so check it out.

http://legacyphotography.weebly.com

Have a good night!!

Don't Be Afraid To Fall

After today I do NOT feel like writing. Actually. I could write a book right now. But I have nothing happy or good to say. Just depressing stuff. So I'm going to keep it inside and never let it out. Because that's my prerogative. Stick with reading this post. It gets happier at the end...or at least cuter. :)

Today sucked. But God didn't say "Rejoice just when things are good". He said "Rejoice ALWAYS". There's no way to get around that 'always' word. So this is me rejoicing today. Yay.

So with a heavy heart, a hurting head, and tear-filled eyes, I'm gonna step back and let God's love comfort me tonight.

I hate when situations come up that make me doubt God. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't know why God brings people into your life long enough for you to get attached and then allows them to walk away, even when it ends up hurting you. I don't know why God allows promising possibilities to come up, and when they are right around the corner suddenly that possibility is pulled out from under you. But I have to trust that the back-up plan is better than the initial one.
I need to trust God. That's all I can say. I'm trying so hard. I don't have a choice but to just lift my hands and say "This is all you God." Let go and let God right?

So on a completely different note..some updates.

Stan the Man (aka Stanley, my car) hit a milestone Tuesday. A whole 100,000 miles :)

Also, my school is doing this "Scavenger Hunt" thing for the Vet Tech class, and we have this list of like 20 things to find and take pictures of. Animals and whatnot.. For example, a dog doing a trick, a rabbit, a horse..blah blah.

Now normally I don't participate in much of these activities my school senate puts on. But come on, taking pictures? I'm all over this.
I should also add that if you win, you get a free vet tech sweatshirt. And everyone that knows me knows I love sweatshirts. So, needless to say, this is right up my alley.

This one was supposed to be an animal in a halloween costume. But I don't do Halloween so, here's Nando in my football jersey :) He is thrilled.

The fun stopped yesterday though. I had to take Nando to the vet today. He has a nasty sore on his leg. Found out it is a "Lick Granuloma". Got some meds and it should be fine. Bad thing is...

That's right ladies and gentlemen. My dog has to wear the cone of shame.
(That's Dug from the Movie UP on the bottom)
Nando is really having trouble with it. He runs into everything. He whines ALL THE TIME when he wears it. It breaks my heart.
Nando hates it. Batman is scared of it. And I feel like a horrible mother. Especially since I take these opportunities to get pictures of him being pathetic.
So hopefully his leg gets better really really soon.

Now some things to smile about.
1. In ONE WEEK I will be done with class. Basically forever. But lets be real..I'll end up back in school for something. I love it that much.

2. I'm 99% sure my dad is getting me the new camera lens I've been begging for since I got my new camera. Pretty sure I'm getting it as a graduation gift and I'm super excited. I really want it :)

3. My husband is pretty cool. He let me watch the Notebook last night instead of making me watch the movie Taken like he wanted. He just loves me :)

4. He also made me chocolate chip cookies last night, granted they were "place and bake" ones- but we proceeded to eat almost all 24 of them. I love cookies.

5. I love meeting new friends. God surprises me sometimes by bringing people across my path that just brighten my day. It doesn't happen very often but when it does it's nice.

6. Just going outside brings a smile to my face most days. I LOVEEEEEEE FALL. Bonfires. Sweatshirts. Boots. Scarves. Pretty Leaves. Cold Mornings. Pumpkins. Flannel Shirts and Carhartt Jackets. Candy Corn. Pumpkin Pie. Holidays. EVERYTHINGGGG. Fall > Every other season. Period

Dad and I went to a horse show the other day in Edinburgh and this is the only picture I came home with.
It's a really cool bridge we came across while we were walking trails between shows. I loved it.

Done for the day. My...self is exhausted. Happy Wednesday. This post was so much longer than I intended it to be.

"You can say we're done, the way you always do.
It's easier to lie to me than to yourself.
Forget about your friends
You know they're gonna say we're bad for each other
But we ain't good for anyone else." -Kenny Chesney "Come Over"

It's Just Like Reading A Book

So I am proud to say that I'm a book nerd. I LOVE reading. Anything. I love school, I love magazines, I love any and every book. I just love to read. That being said..I think that "reading a book" is a great analogy for a lot of things. And here is what I'm talking about.

Do you ever feel like your life is a book? People often say you have to "Begin a new chapter of your life" or "Close the cover of this book and start a new one". Meaning that that particular part of your life is over and you need to move on.
Well I feel like my life is a book. However, mine is a bit different than normal books. I feel that my life is the kind of book people like to deem a "cliff-hanger" kinda novel.

As you get closer to the end of the last chapter of this particular book in the series, you are thinking NO way...this book/chapter cannot possibly end like this. It's right at the height of the story, right in the middle of the action, and you are loving every minute of it, and then you flip the page and suddenly the story is over. You're left thinking "I just wish I could keep reading the last page of this chapter so maybe, just maybe, the story won't end the way I know it's going to". Maybe if you read that last bit enough, when you flip the page over, miraculously the last, conclusive, settling, satisfying chapter is there and your heart can finally feel good that that book is over. You think that the characters in the story can't just end things the way the book ends. You finish the last line and you sit there going That didn't just say "THE END". There has to be more to the story than that.
And sometimes there is. Sometimes a few months or years down the road, those people get the chance to pick up where they left off. People get a chance to find out what happens in the end of the story, and they are finally left with some peace. But there are two sides to that. Sometimes, you never get to find out. Sometimes the story ends abruptly, and no matter how hard you try, you never get that satisfaction of knowing things worked out. You're left to wonder your whole life what would have been, what could have been.
I wish every chapter of my life had a happy ending, or maybe not an ending at all.
But it doesn't work that way. The country band Rascal Flatts has a line in a song that says "Life's like a novel with the end ripped out". And that's so true. As much as we can wish and hope and pray that the story, OUR story, ends happily just the way we want it to, it isn't that easy. We have no idea how our story will end. Even if we have read the back of the book, it doesn't reveal every detail about how the story will end. We can't know how it all unfolds. But we read it any way. We keep flipping those pages. We trust that eventually the story HAS to get better. So we keep reading. And that's how life goes.

So if you agree with me, if you feel that your life is like a book too, keep flipping the pages. Don't stop reading your story just because it's sad. Don't put down the book because you think there is no way the story can end well. Keep reading. Trust that if this particular chapter ends in a way you don't like, the next chapter, or even your next book, will have a better ending. If one of the main characters in your story, or perhaps even your favorite character, doesn't make it to the next chapter, trust there is a reason.

You can be a co-author, but God is the ultimate Author of your story. You just have to give up your pencil, hand it over to God, and let him write it instead. Trust he has big ideas for your upcoming books. You know he won't leave you standing on the edge of a cliff wondering what just happened and how your life could ever get better after an ending like you just experienced. Let his presence and his plans for your life give you peace.

And keep reading your story.

Count Your Blessings

I'm blessed. Plain and simple. And I take it for granted so often. But I'm a lucky girl.
Countdown:
2 weeks left of class.
3 weeks until Graduation.
2 months and 2 weeks until I'm completely done with school.
I have a lot of change coming and I think I'm looking forward to it.

Cody and I rode horses today. So we took pictures with my favorite girl Meg. She deserves a better name but I didn't get to name her :)

I love this girl. And this first picture is my absolute favorite.

Then the Hubs and I decided to go down to the dock and my inner photographer jumped out so here is one that I liked the most.

And then one last one because 1. I love horses. And 2. This girl is gorgeous.

I'll write a better blog tomorrow hopefully. I've got one brewing.
Happy Monday :)

♫ We give You praise, and all of the honor
You are our God-the One we live for.
We give you praise and all of the glory, God ♫

My Horses :)

A regular old photo shoot with my loves at the barn this morning :) sorry if you don't like horses because here comes a bunch of pictures of them :)

This last picture is the official indicator that it is fall. :) I FINALLY got my pumpkins. Paid way too much for them since I didn't buy them at a grocery store BUT...totally worth it.

My dad and I are heading to a horse show in Edinburgh here in a about an hour. Gonna spend the day out there. So on the next post..expect more pictures :)
I'm a happy girl today.

10-11-12

So today's date is 10-11-12. And I think that's really cool. Only once every year does it happen like that..that the numbers go in order like they do today. And for some reason that hit me today as a picture of my life right now. Every once in a while I have a day where I feel like "Oh hey, things are kinda lining up for me right now". Some days things are in order like they should be. But its short lived. This is stupid but its what I thought about today.
Oh a completely not deep note..it only happens one more time...11-12-13. And then never again. For like the next 100 years or something. Sad. :)

Lots of things are changing right now and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've never been a fan of change. Because most change sucks. But I believe God has got some major good things in store for me. I just hope he gives me a hint of what those things are soon because right now my heart is being tugged in two completely different directions. And I feel like I could be "happy" either way but...who knows.

Today was a rough day.
I want to write more.
I want to take more pictures.
I want to be done with school but I don't want to think about leaving my friends.
Some days my heart is so full. And some days I feel so broken.

"I'm coming back to a heart of worship..where it's all about you Jesus."

Good news is the sun comes up again every single morning. You just have to have the strength to get up and go outside. And some days its harder than others. Some days you have to see past the clouds to know there's sunshine back there somewhere, and it'll come out eventually. Just wait for it.

Ridiculousness

You know that verse in Song of Solomon that says something to the effect of "I have found the one my soul loves."?
Well I found mine. And his name is Edy. Edy RichNCreamy. This ice cream is seriously so good. If you are having a bad day, eat it away with this ice cream. It's pure chocolate perfection.

That was my ad for the day.

So here's what this post is really about. The past few days weeks I have been acting like someone I'm really not. I'm stronger than I've been acting. I have a God bigger than these problems, and I have been acting like I don't.
I look at my circumstances and I say "how in the world can I move this mountain? how am I going to be able to handle this?" and all the while God's going "don't worry about it. Trust me. Take my hand and you'll step right over it".

I've been going through a lot lately, and I have every reason in the world to be stressed, but to act like I am the only one going through this, like I have nothing to live for, that's absolute ridiculousness.
I call myself a Christian and then I complain about feeling lonely and helpless.
RIDICULOUS
I complain about my circumstances and pray for change but don't do anything to change myself.
RIDICULOUS
I look to place blame on everyone else instead of taking responsibility for what I did and own up to my mistakes.
RIDICULOUS

My bible tells me that God is my strength. Without him I can't do anything. With him, nothing is impossible. It's that simple. If you try to walk alone, then you'll end up that way. If you walk with God then he will bring you out of the situation in a better state than when you went in.

Psalms 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.

We had a special speaker at my church last Sunday. She said something that really encouraged me, along with just about everyone that heard her.
She said there's an after this season. Meaning the storm you are in can't last forever. And when you come out of that storm you're going through, you'll be stronger than you were.

I'm encouraged. I feel hopeful for the first time in a very long time. I'm working so hard to get that joy back. I can't help but feel like I look like a giant rain cloud..and I don't want to bring my friends down. So from now on it's all smiles. Or at least I'm going to try.
My happiness shouldn't come from other people. Life is hard. Being a Christian is hard. But God can give you the rest you need to be able to handle anything life throws at you.

Matthew 11:28 "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

So smile. No matter what your situation. No matter how hard things are, how many tears you have cried. God knows what you're going through. He never left your side. When you feel like you're completely alone and you have no one around and no where to go, look beside you. God's right there.
He's waiting for you to recognize that He is enough for you. He's waiting for you to let go of your selfish pride and say "I can't do this without you, God". And when you can do that, he'll sweep you up into his arms and carry you through that storm. He's faithful like that. Compassionate and patient.

Hillsong has a song right now called Cornerstone that has really ministered to me for a month or so now..
Christ alone, Cornerstone
Weak made strong, in the Savior's love
Through the storm
He is Lord, Lord of All
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And because my animals are so dang adorable..i'll leave you with a parting shot of both of them :)
This is Nando's "Oh hey, you're eating ice cream?" face.

And my gorgeously handsome cat that spends approximately 16 hours a day on my lap :)

Have a blessed day!! P.s. Today was a Plain White T's music kind of day for me.

Big Bad World Give this song a listen.

It's a big bad world
Were doing what we can
Sometimes we fall on our face
Before we even learn to stand
But we get back up
Shake off all the dust
And take it step by step

I can fill the whole floor to the ceiling
With all the dead wrong choices I've made
And even though we try to learn
From each others mistakes

We'll do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been

It's a big bad dream
Following your heart
Sometimes the one you
Need's the one that tears you apart
So you say goodbye
Kiss her one more time
And cry the whole way home

I can fill up the driest river
With all the tears falling off of my face
And even though we try to learn
From each others mistakes

We'll do it again (doing it again)
We'll do it again my friend (doing it again)

Just running 'round in circles
Tripping over every hurdle
Were just trying to do the best that we can

It's a big bad life
All that we can do
Is try to make it right
Tomorrow something new
So if a big rain cloud
Follows you around
Don't let it get you down

Heartbroken=Forever Incomplete

Have you ever given just a piece of your heart away to someone and never gotten it back?
Well I have.
Now my second question is have you ever looked at a puzzle that's done but its missing just one or two pieces?
No matter how beautiful the complete puzzle is, you cant help but focus on the fact that those pieces are missing. It makes the whole picture incomplete. Even one small corner piece can be missing. It may seem insignificant, but it takes the beauty out of the picture.

I feel like that puzzle. I feel like I've lost a couple of crucial pieces of me that I won't ever get back. I know I may be happy or whatever someday, and I know God can restore my life and marriage, but I'll never be complete again.
And yes, I know God can fill that hole, but I believe God brings friends into your life for a purpose, and when they are ripped out of your life, as well as your heart, it leaves a gaping hole that won't ever completely heal.

I used to think I had some really good friends, friends that made me realize people aren't all that bad. I have had trust issues for ever because people absolutely love to feed you bull about how you are a good friend and how you mean something to them, but I constantly wake up the next day alone.

I was wrong though. I finally realized today that maybe we never were friends. We never had a real relationship. I thought we did, but turns out I'm just as gullible and naive as ever, and I let myself get invested in a friendship and I got burnt. Again.

This sounds like I'm just complaining but that's not all it is. I let my heart love so easily because I want to believe the best in people. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. The worst part is that those "friends" don't even realize what they are doing. People continuously take advantage of me. So, I'm done.
I'm done making an effort to be friends with people that don't truly care.
I'm ok with being lonely.
I'm ok with being unhappy.
I'm ok with that. And I'll be fine.
But my heart hurts today. And I feel like it will for a very long time. I dare say my heart broke a little today.

And so begins the healing process. Again.
So the walls around my heart are back up. Again.

I am so ready to get out of here. There has to be something more out there than heartache, let downs, disappointment, and failure.

Lord this is the hardest season I've ever been through. Just when I thought I had something that would get me through, just when I felt things were getting easier/better, its ripped out from under me. I don't understand it. I'm lonely and scared and hurting, but I have to trust Your plan for my life. Whatever that might be.

So that's all for today. The point of this post was for me to get that out. I am sick of crying today.
May not write anymore either. Probably done. With everything.
And I'm in major need of some restoration. Because I'm depressed.  And I'm scared.
One last thing..I've always been that girl that said "No, Jesus can't come back yet. There's too much I want to do still!!" But I've realized its not worth it ha
As of today, I'm ready to meet Jesus. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to live in a world like this anymore. I've never felt that way before but I definitely do now.

Blah blah blah blah. Today has been hard.
I've whined and complained enough for a lifetime though so I'm done talking.
Have a happy monday :) I know I sure am..

Nando&Batman Pictures-Just for fun

And just because I recently found an awesome picture website where I can make collages...here are my boys :) Nando&Batman

Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain.

I'm gonna warn everyone right off the bat...this is gonna be a long one.

I wanna start off by saying that I heard this song today. I know it encouraged me. I hope it encourages a certain friend also. You can thank Gary Allen for it :)

"I saw you standing in the middle of the thunder and lightning
I know you're feeling like you just can't win, but you're trying
It's hard to keep on keepin' on, when you're being pushed around
Don't even know which way is up, just keep spinning down, 'round, down…

Every storm runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs out of rain

So hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more
Walk out that door
Go find a new rose, don't be afraid of the thorns
'Cause we all have thorns
Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind
And when you fall back down, keep on rememberin'

Every storm runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs out of rain"
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I've never really been asked to give up a lot in my life. I guess you could say I've had it pretty easy. But lately, the past few months, I feel like I have given up so much. So much of who I was, so much of who I am, so much of what I love. I've been asked to sacrifice things I don't want to let go of.

And lets face it...sacrifice sucks. It's supposed to though. If you weren't giving up something you love then you couldn't call it sacrifice. However, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Is it fair to be asked to give up who you feel you are to be someone you aren't just so that people around you are happier? I don't feel it is. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my mindset has been wrong this whole time. Who knows.
I don't want to give up who I am or what I love. But I can't keep fighting this. I'm exhausted by the constant battle, the constant strife and accusation. I find myself asking "Is it all really worth it? Is it worth all the struggle?" And I always realize my answer. It must be. Because I wake up every morning and do what I've always done. I guess I answer my own question.


This season of my life has been so hard. I wish I could say it has also been rewarding, and in some ways it has, but mostly it's just been hard.
I'm burdened for my friends.
I'm stressed about my future.
I'm scared of the change.
I'm unsure of the commitments.
I'm sick of being called fake and disrespectful.
I'm unhappy in my current situation.
I'm unsatisfied with life in general.
And I'm in desperate need of a miracle.
All that combined leads to a lack of sleep and a whole lot of tears.
I think I've uttered the words "I don't even know what to do/say" more this past two months than I have my entire life...
I feel like I give and give and give. I'm always trying to please other people and it's never enough. No matter how much you bust your butt, it's never enough. People will still only point out the faults, only criticize what you're doing. There's no winning it seems like.

I can't help but feel like i constantly keep letting my friends down, and all I'm trying to do is help the best way I know how. But apparently it comes across badly because instead of helping, it seems I only make matters worse. I don't know what to do...:/

I know this is kind of a discouraging post or whatever, but it's my blog and I can write what I want :)

There's so much I want to say. It's unbelievably hard to keep my mouth shut and keep everything bottled up inside, but I don't have a choice. Life is never what you expect it to be. It just isn't that easy. But it's worth fighting hard for, so they tell me.
Fight for what you want.
Fight for what you love.
Don't settle for just existing.
If you want things in your life to change, make it happen. Don't stop until you have found a solution. Don't quit until you have your answer.
You're stronger than you think you are. You just don't know it yet. The quote "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" is sooooooo incredibly accurate. You just have to believe it. Believe in your heart that you can do it. *with GOD*

I could rant/talk/discuss this for hours (or more accurately paragraphs) but I won't. There's only so much I should say.
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SO....on a lighter note :)
I went horseback riding all day today and it was PERFECTION. I had so much fun talking non-stop with a good friend and riding some great horses.

This is my girl Lita. Check out her mouth...we must have been boring her with our pictures and conversation :)

And just another cute one

I can't write anymore. Exhausted. Emotionally spent. And my heart hurts.
Trusting in God is so hard sometimes. But it won't stop me from trying.

"Faith's my sight.
You're my might.
Impossible is slain.
Because you have risen from the grave"

The Beautiful Letdown

First order of business...THANK GOD FOR THE SUNSHINE TODAY!!!!!!!!!! I've been waiting weeks to finally see sunshine and today is the day! Which is incredible because it was a challenging, awful, stressful day.

As all of this change is coming at me, I'm realizing a lot of things, both about myself and about the people around me. It's funny how stress and change can really bring out the true character of a person.
I'm realizing that I:
-need a lot more work with dealing with stress.
-need to do things I enjoy more so that this stress doesn't have an opportunity to build up and affect my attitude.
-rely on other people to make me happy, instead of looking to the ONE (God) that can bring you joy. Not happiness, but true joy.
-am a whole lot stronger than I thought I was. But sometimes I let that strength and independence block out support I need from people. Because I think I don't need help.

I'm realizing that there's a big difference between "friends" and true friends. With change comes new chapters, new people, new relationships, and new beginnings. But it also brings with it endings, closing the cover on some chapters and ending relationships purely because two people are heading down separate roads.

Some people in my life that I valued as true friends are turning out to just be friends. And as hard as it is to cut those ties and realize you don't mean as much to them as you thought you did, it's better in the end. No sense in wasting your time on someone who doesn't value you like a real friend should. They let you down, they only come to you when they need something from you, and when it comes down to it, they don't really want to spend time any extra time with you, whether you need it or not. Those are the kinds of people that you minister to. Be kind and friendly but keep your walls up. Protect your heart.

Apparently I'm having trouble with that because that had a tiny hint of rant in it.

I miss the way things used to be. I miss Kentucky. I miss my friends down there. I miss my family. I miss playing volleyball. I miss going out on the weekends, going to movies and drive ins and parks and games. I miss the way my life used to be. And I'm having that kind of day.

But hey. it's sunny outside. :) Silver lining. And God loves me, despite the day I'm having, or the week I'm having. No matter how upset i get or how stressed I am. God is Peace. He's hope and he's rest. And I'm thankful for that.

For every reason I find that makes me frown, God reminds me of all the reasons I have to smile. And I have a lot. I'm blessed. I take all that I have for granted so often. But I have so much to be thankful for. I'm the lucky one.

~Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. God's got his hand on ME so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray. Thank God for each day. His love will find a way.~

Something 'Bout A Truck

Finally :)
That is my BRAND NEW (: 1989 Dodge Dakota :) And I love it. Although it has yet to be named. Suggestions are welcome.

That is all.

All day I have been trying to come up with an excuse to get Nando and head out somewhere, but unfortunately I already got my errands for the day done.

On a different note:
Sometimes friends know EXACTLY what to do and say to bring sunshine to the cloudiest day of the week. I thank God for those friends. They bless me so much.

Friday is going to be a super good day. Skipping class to go to Blackwell and ride horses for like 5 hours. I am so excited. It's such a stress reliever for me and Lord knows I need that. The invitation couldn't have come at a better time. Hopefully I can get some pictures that day. We'll see :)


By the way...Happy October!!! :) Some fall pictures I took the other day.

For some reason I think plants like this are really cool looking.

And another one of pretty fall colors

That's all. Happy Harvesting!! :)