Plan "B"

I'm been learning, the past few months, that I don't know everything. I have had all these plans in mind, the way I want and think things should be. I plan things down to the second because it makes me feel safer and more confident to know when things are going to happen. But sometimes, most times for me, God doesn't work that way. I spend all this time telling God I planned this and this and this. And he comes back with Okay kiddo, but lets call that plan B alright? I've got something better in mind for you.

Life really is a huge step of faith. Every time I picture what that looks like for me I think of the Indiana Jones movie, "The Last Crusade". In one particular scene, Indiana Jones comes to a big gap in the path he is supposed to be taking. To him, it looks like a big gaping hole he could never just jump on over. But he knows there has to be an "easier" way across. He consults his little book (in this instance is where we as Christians crack open our Bibles to see what God would have us to do next), and he finds the quote "Only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth". He thinks There's no way anyone can jump that far. And he says outloud It's a leap of faith. (Are you following me yet?)

So what does he do? He takes a deep breath and steps out. And as it turns out, there's a path in front of him. A path that had been there all along but he couldn't see it. It blended into the background of the gap in front of him, and because he was so concerned with the unknown he was facing, he couldn't see that there was a safe, easy way across.

{Top picture is what he saw. But at another angle (bottom picture) there's the path :) If you can't picture all this happening in your head, and you haven't seen the movie, look up the clip on YouTube. There's a lesson there.}

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse that a lot of people know but don't put into practice. It says
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
  in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight"

That doesn't necessarily mean it will be easy. Nowhere in that verse does it say that he'll tell you what's next or let you decide when things will happen. It just says that if we TRUST God with ALL of your heart and not try to understand everything, he'll make your path straight. It's so so important that we let go (submit) of that Lord/Leader spot in our lives and actually allow God to take the reins and just follow where he leads.
A lesson to live by :) And something I need to work on.

Get Your Own Word

Recently we had a guest speaker come to our church to prophesy over people. He's incredibly gifted and God really uses him in our church sometimes.
My whole family was desperate for a word from God through him. Confirmation. Direction. Anything.

I didn't feel so much desperate for a word but I did want some confirmation of some things. However, the speaker never spoke to me or Grant.
That night I got to thinking and praying about it and I felt God saying If you want a word from me that badly, ask. You can't expect me to speak through someone else when you aren't doing anything to hear me yourself. It's not fair to expect someone to just tell you what God has in store for you if you aren't seeking the answers yourself. You have to make an effort to hear God and spend some extra quality time with him if you want some direction. God can speak to you just as clearly as he can anyone else. You just have to make the effort to hear him. And then listen. He wants to talk to you just as much as you want to hear from him.



I have also recently (along with Grant) have been bombarded by blessings right now. And it's pretty sweet. He's so faithful to come through for us, no matter what we have done.

This next year a lot is going to change. And it is all change that I'm anxiously waiting for.

Wish I had more to write about, but it's work, sleep, church, work. And then there's that glorious couple of hours that I get to spend with the most wonderful man to ever walk to earth.

He's even more amazing than he was the first time I wrote about him. I'm so proud to call him mine. We're gonna be awesome together. Plus there's this super cute picture of him with his little niece. He's going to be a perfect dad. :)






I love him so much :)



♫ I need you, OH I need You.
Every hour I need you.
My one defense, My righteousness
Oh God, how I need you ♫

The Sequel

I'm gonna be really honest for a minute. It's hard to write about anything but how great my relationship with Grant is. But I'll try and refrain from writing another ode to my man.

It's been a whirlwind for the last few months. It's all such a blur. But one thing I want to highlight is one super fun night.
My [second] cousin got married at this place that looked like a castle in Indianapolis. My whole family went and we had a blast. We talked and took pictures and ate. THEN we danced. Like a bunch of morons. But it was so much fun.

My older brother and Grant love each other :)

My daddy and my man ^^ :) Presh

My all time favorite picture, although it's poor quality because of the phone and the lighting, but I think it's perfect. I've never actually danced with anyone. And it was perfect. :) I had so much fun.

Great right? Movie-esque.

I'm very disappointed in myself for not writing or taking pictures at all. But apparently I just don't do that anymore? I don't know. I hope I find time to start again soon.

Next week is my family's big get together. We got some condos on the lake. And GRANT GETS TO COME WITH ME. I can't wait. 4 whole days away from the animals and work and life in general. I'm determined to have the best time ever. I may even take some pictures :)

I love my life. I'm constantly blessed by my family and my love. God's still so so good. And I wish I had more to write about.

Have a blessed day!!

My Love for GQ

So who wants to hear about my super awesome boyfriend?

I could go on forever about how blessed I am that God brought Grant into my life after struggling through, and eventually ending, my first attempt at marriage.

But I don't think you understand just how perfect he is for me. Hang with me, this is a long list.

He makes me dinner.
He takes me to the park.
He puts up with all my animals, and he actually takes care of them.
He cleans my house.
He paints with me.
He watches my TV shows and girly movies.
He kisses my forehead when I don't feel good.
He tickles me and wrestles with me until I laugh so hard my stomach hurts.
He takes me on dates.
He lets me sleep on his lap.
He tells me I'm beautiful every single moment of every single day.
He lets me drive his truck. He tolerates my ridiculous mood swings.
He prays with me.
He prays FOR me.
He wants me to be with him all the time.
He includes me in his family stuff.
He helps me with laundry.
He kills bugs in my house for me.
He plants sunflower seeds for me.
He remembers what I like.
He never takes me for granted.
He gives me the space I need when I need it.
He shares everything with me.
He writes me notes.
He sings with me, and better yet to me.
He dances with me in the kitchen.
He takes pictures with me.
He holds my hand constantly.
He protects me.
He looks out for me.
He values my opinion.
He loves my family.
He surprises me.
He listens to me.
He hears my heart.
He makes me feel loved.
He jokes with me.
He makes fun of me.
He brings me closer to God.
He makes me want to be a better person.
He has opened my eyes to what real love in a relationship is.
He has fixed my broken heart.
He filled my life with so much joy.
He saved me.
He's my best friend.

I could go on forever about how well matched we are for each other. It's a once-in-a-lifetime love. We have a connection that most people never get to experience. It's better than anything I've ever seen on TV or read about in a romance novel. I used to look at other people's relationships and marriages and think "Wow, I wonder what it feels like to be that happy with someone". But now, I feel like we are that couple. We are a couple that is so incredibly in love, that you can't help but smile when you see us. It's that good.

I believe God brings specific people together. He has a person in mind that was made especially for you. To complete you. To be a partner that is so well suited for you, that you can [almost] flawlessly meld your lives together forever. Someone that was destined to love you like "Christ loved the church". To be so passionate for you, and to show you the love of God through their love for you. We aren't meant to go through life alone.

I found my forever. God placed Grant in my life at the perfect time. I messed up God's original plan for my life, but he so graciously gave me a second chance, and slowly drew me back onto the path I was originally supposed to be walking down. He gave me Grant to lead me in the right direction. He used Grant to bring me through the worst storm of my life. And he gifted Grant to me to be a blessing for the rest of my life.

God's gracious. He wants to make you happy. He wants you to choose life. And all of the things that God does in your life is for a reason. Believe it. Trust God. Because it'll be worth it in the end.

PROVERBS 16:3- "COMMIT EVERYTHING YOU DO TO THE LORD, AND YOUR PLANS WILL SUCCEED."




We painted these for my bedroom. And I love them. It was craft day. We had a blast.



Lastly. I love my kitten Riggins. He is precious.





Sorry for the sappy, mushy, way-too-much-information about my boy. But I can't get enough of Grant Quimby.

I'm so blessed. Life couldn't be better.

Relationships 101

I have learned so much in the past few months about what a good solid relationship consists of. I'm no expert, by any means, but I have learned a lot more of what makes a relationship works.

Relationships are about give and take. It's not about one person doing everything. It's understanding that there are seasons that one person will be doing a majority of the work. It's understanding that relationships are about sacrifice. You seriously have to put the other person before yourself. It's not about you and how you feel. You do things for each other. It's an even partnership...or it should be.

I've learned that when you do it right, a relationship isn't work. It's fun. It's right, and it is something that feels very natural all the time. It's never something you force. It's normal to do what you do and to love the other person and take care of them. It's easy (in some ways) because the bottom line is you love that person. Period. Your love for them motivates you to work to better your relationship.

God brought me someone that has showed me what God's best was for me. And together we are learning what it means to form a Godly foundation for a relationship that can lead to a blessed marriage.

A right relationship is beautiful. It not only makes you happy, but it can bring joy to people around you. It's contagious. That's the way it's supposed to be. I believe that when people see you together, they should see the chemistry. The connection.

I'm so incredibly happy right now. I am blessed by my family and my relationship. I'm hopeful for what the future holds. And frankly, I can't wait to wake up in the mornings and spend yet another day with my handsome boyfriend. :)

Family photo=
Hanging out around the fire pit. I am in love with this picture. Nando was being stubborn and didn't want to look at the camera.




So some updates: Grant and I planted some sunflowers that are supposed to grow to be between 11 and 16 feet tall, so I'm pretty excited for those to grow up :)
We got a new kitten that keeps us entertained for hours. He is precious.
In 1 month we are going to the Luke Bryan, Thompson Square, Florida Georgia Line concert in Peoria and then to the zoo after that. I am basically dying of anticipation. That's gonna be a great weekend.

Grant and I are still holding out for a whole week of good weather so we can go camping. It doesn't seem to stay nice long enough to go. But it will get there. :)

Hope everyone has a great week!!!

♫ When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive ♫ -When you say you love me -Josh Groban.

Grant sings this song to me all the time and it never ceases to bring a smile to my face. I love him :)

It's Been A Long Time Coming

Almost 2 months since I've written so much as a list. I don't know what happened but apparently I don't write anymore. Life is busy :)

From last year on April 22, to this year on April 22, my life has drastically changed. Last year I was unhappy. I felt as if I wasn't quite where God wanted me to be. But I thought if I could just ignore that feeling of settling, that things would smooth out. Turns out they did. But it took over a year. And I got absolutely crushed in the mean time.

I'm a whole new person now. I have a new life, a new love, and a new happiness that never seems to go away. God has brought me out of the worst storm I could imagine going through, and the weather on this side is perfect =] He saved me from a situation I had no business being in, and He continues to bless me every day. I'm part of a family that loves and supports me. He brought a boy into my life that has changed my definition of love. And I don't know how to express how thankful I am.

My job is incredible but I already can't help but feel like I want a change. Because I'm stubborn and unhappy that I am STILL not working with horses.

I turn 21 in a couple of days, which is whatever. The number anyways. Everyone that knows me knows I LOVE my birthday and that everyone else better love my birthday too :)

Basically, the new me in a nutshell: HAPPY. I'm happy. I smile. I wake up every day loving my life. I'm tired, sure. I'm exhausted sometimes. But I'm always happy now. God has brought so much sunshine into my life recently and I just can't explain how it makes me feel.

It's sunny today, and I got about 10 hours of sleep. So today is gonna be a good day.

Some pictures: Just because no post is complete without a few pictures.



This is me and my handsome boyfriend. I don't know why I didn't wait for God's best for me. But God came through, even in my disobedience, and brought his best to me just in time. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us, but I am confident that I have forever to figure it out :) Grant brings me joy like no one ever has. He makes me feel like myself again. He truly is the half that makes me whole. His family has accepted me with open arms, which is more than I can say about previous relationships. His mom loves me like her own and takes good care of me. His dad is amazing and I just love spending time with them. It means so much to me to have the opportunity to be a part of another beautiful family.

I have had a lot of people comment about pictures of me with Grant, and they always mention that it's nice to see that light, that life, back in my eyes again. And I can truly say that's because of Grant. It's incredible to feel that you're finally on the path God intended to have you on. His blessings will knock your socks off, I can say that much is true.

And every day I find more great things to be thankful for. So God? Thanks. For all of this. I don't deserve it but you continually bless me every single day. So thanks :)

I love life. I love love. And I am finally HAPPY :) *Happy Dancing*

Sunshine. Blue Skies.

♫ The sweetest thing that you'll ever see is a happy girl ♫

Talk About A Whirlwind

Holy. Cow.

This has been the craziest experience of my life. There's a quote that says "Just when you think life can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think life can't get any better, it can".
That's so so true.

Going through my divorce, and actually finally doing it, I thought was the hardest thing I would ever go through. I thought life couldn't get any worse. But it did.

But the last few days have changed my life drastically.
We have had a guest speaker at the church and the first day he talked about "Surviving the In-Between". In saying that, he meant that you can get through the initial conflict, but not be completely done with the problem yet. You came out of Egypt, but you're not in the Promised Land yet. He explained that most of the time, the "in-between" time can be the hardest part of it.

I thought that finally saying the words and filing the papers was the hardest part of my problem, but it was just the beginning. I've been hit so many times the past few weeks and I wondered why it felt harder now when I thought it should be easier.

Nigel (our guest speaker) said that you can get through a conflict purely because you're in survival mode. So you push your way through the initial conflict, but after that you're left to just lick your wounds and you're weak and tired. But you aren't out of the woods yet so you have to keep fighting even though you don't feel like you have anything left.
That's how I've felt.

I've been so desperate for answers. And Sunday morning I finally got them. God got a hold of me and broke off every chain. He lifted that burden and my goodness I've never felt so free. I have joy like I haven't had in YEARS. I came to a whole new level.

I'm don't have to endure the next 38 days. I can enjoy them.

I've become so much stronger. I feel so hopeful and strong and free. Finally. Things are looking up.
Nigel spoke over me and said "I'm speaking over your life today, God says it's moving day. You're coming out of this."

And all I have to say is that I am coming out of this.


Im just so happy now :)

So. this is a post to say no more drama and complaining. from now on only sunshine and rainbows :)) Spring is finally coming so expect pretty pictures.

29 days until I leave for florida for a weeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!! I can't wait.

Life is good.

Break Every Chain

Ever made one mistake, a big mistake, and then as you're recovering from that, you can't seem to stop making mistakes?

I've never felt so trapped in my "freedom" before. And I'm finding it so hard to stay here. I can't seem to get my feet under me again enough to walk through the rest of this storm.

But God decided to step in. And that changed everything.

I went to a Jesus Culture concert Friday night in Cincinnati, and I can honestly say I had an incredible encounter with God. I went in expecting to be set free. Free from the guilt and shame of my divorce. Free from the overwhelming feeling of failure and disappointment. Free from my past so that I could let go and finally grab hold of my future.

And God didn't disappoint. I've been trying so hard to get myself right with God again. I've been spending so much time just "soaking" in His presence, longing to just feel that peace and joy that comes with it. When the concert started Friday night, the worship was powerful. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. I lost myself in worship, just let his presence surround me, and I could feel those chains breaking off of me. By the time we left, my heart was so full of joy and I felt such peace in my current situation. I've been waiting months to feel so whole and complete again, and I finally did.

I'm so thankful that we serve such a powerful, present God. Ask, and it will be given. Seek, and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. It's never that he doesn't hear our prayers. He answers when we need it and how we need it...whether we agree or not. He knows better than we do, and he has the master plan for our lives. If you can trust him enough to let go of your pride and your control on your own life, he can do so much for you.

"Show God you are ready to be used by Him, and he will prove himself to be all you ever dreamed he would be. And more."

The speaker on Friday hit on one verse that really touched my heart. It was the verse in 1 John that says "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love."

I want to feel that love. I want to experience his PERFECT LOVE. On a daily basis. Or how about all the time. I'm so excited about the fresh start I am getting, with God especially. I believe he has such good stuff in store for me.

I'm encouraged. =]

And in 54 days. My life starts again.
In the meantime...Jesus is gonna get pretty sick of hearing from me :)


Blue Skies&Green Lights

♫ I would walk a thousand miles, a thousand miles it's true.
I would walk a thousand miles, just to be with you. Because you've got my heart
And you've got my soul
And you've got my promise too..♫

A Tell-Tale Heart

Wow.
What a week.
For real.

You know those ball pitching machine things they have? This week I feel like I am standing in front of one of those without a bat, and they are firing like 100 curveballs a second. And the balls it's pitching are made of like lead mixed with really heavy cement.. And it's all I can do not to just.....die. :)

That's how insane it has been. But you know what? I trust God is saying "Thank goodness she is still hanging on because I have such incredible plans for her future if she can just hold on a little longer". So to God I say "Alright dude. If you say so. But just so you know, my hands are starting to hurt". =]

Right in the middle of the biggest struggle in my life, I get offered the opportunity to pursue the job of my dreams. THE JOB OF MY DREAMS. When I applied for it all those months ago, I laughed as I mailed the application. I thought to myself that there was no way I would ever hear from them. And then BOOM. When I finally felt like I was figuring things out, here comes another round of curveballs.

Things I've realized throughout this week:

-it's not that God isn't speaking to you. It's that you aren't listening.
-it's up to you whether you want to call something a blessing or a curse. Make the best of what you're given. It could be a blessing in disguise.
-sometimes, you really do have to just rip the bandaid off in one quick motion. It's true that pulling it slower hurts worse :)
-it's better to admit you made a mistake early on. Don't stay involved in something because you feel obligated. Admit you messed up and change things.
-Just found out, scars are good. Cuts and wounds leave scars. Under scars is scar tissue. That gives you thicker skin. Thicker skin is good. Ergo: Wounds=good.
-If you give up on something, you'll live the rest of your life wondering what could have been. If you have to live life with regret, do what you want and regret it. Don't do what every one else wants, because then you'll spend your life regretting not being your own person and making your own mistakes.

I could go on forever because there's all this ridiculous stuff going on in my head. But there's more to that later. Maybe.

Things I want to do really bad:
-Go to on a movie date
-Go hiking
-Make rice crispie treats (On my sunday to-do list)
-Get a kitten
-HAVE A DAY OFF WORKkK...gah
-Have an afternoon to just sit and read the whole book "Dear John" because it's my favorite.
-Play football (or volleyball)

And lots of other things that I can't think of because i'm so tired.

I'm excited to see what God is going to do because lots of people keep telling me that the best things happen after you come out of a storm. Well I've been in one doozy of a storm so..it should be good. I'm not even sad/frustrated/scared anymore about what is going on. I'm just anxious and excited. And for the first time in months, I feel content. It's nice :)

I wish I had some happy pictures or something to post right now but I don't have any so here's a smile instead

:)

♫ You don't have to keep on smiling that smile that's driving me wild
And when the night is almost over
Meet me in the middle of a moonlit Chevy bench seat
And do a little bit of country song, hanging on
You don't have to keep me falling like this
But it'd sure be cool if you did♫ Blake Shelton "Sure Be Cool If You Did" aka my new favorite song.

Charlie :)

So I'm debating making a new blog just for pictures of Charlie...because lets be honest...that's all you're going to see for the next 10000000 years.

♫Ordinary, no..Really don't think so. Not a love this true..
Common destiny, we were meant to be-Me and you.
Like a perfect scene from a movie screen, we're a dream come true
Suited perfectly for eternity...Just me and you♫ "Me & You" Kenny Chesney

A Little Self-Reflecting

Have you ever looked around at the people closest to you and wondered why it seems like they are all "changing"? You feel like people are acting different towards you, or that something is wrong with the way everyone else is...

I feel that way right now, but I'm beginning to think that the problem isn't everyone else...it's me.

I don't know why I feel so happy but sad at the same time. I am realizing the different between joy and happiness too, because that awesome feeling of being "happy" just doesn't last very long. So how do you find that thing that brings you real joy? (clue: it's got to be god)

I have a couple things, people, whatever that really bring me joy. But have you ever felt so happy and, dare I say joyful in a relationship or situation with someone and come to find out that you don't bring the other person the kind of joy they bring you? It's heartbreaking. It leaves you feeling so...worthless.

All my life I've felt like I'm not enough. Nothing I do has ever been good enough. I could always have done a little better. I feel like I constantly fall short. Some call me a perfectionist. And that's fine. I am, or that's just who I have become.. I have ridiculously high standards for everyone, borderline unreasonable standards, and I get disappointed when people can't measure up. I include myself in that. I don't accept anything less than the best from myself, so why should anyone else be able to get by with doing things half-way?

I feel so...like i'm not enough. And I'm struggling with that right now, and basically all the time.

So today I was driving to work and popped in one of Pastor Jim's old sermons. I didn't look at the cd title or anything, just reached into the stack and pulled a random one out, pushed it into my cd player. It was about Valentines Day, and how God is our "Love of a lifetime". It talked about how people chose Valentines Day to be that one day that you have to show someone you say you love how much they mean to you....as if that shouldn't be part of your daily routine. But how like every day is Valentines Day with God and he is your Valentine. Everyday he seeks to remind you of how hard he loves us.

I want a love like that. It's ridiculous that people take people they love for granted so often. How can we claim to love someone but treat them the way we treat them.
You could lose someone you love in a heartbeat. A literal heartbeat. You never know.

It's like the Skillet song that says "Today I'm gonna try a little harder, gonna make every minute last longer. I'm gonna learn to forgive and forget because we don't have long-we've got to make the most of it. Today I'm gonna love my enemies, reach out to somebody who needs me. Make a change, make the world a better place but tomorrow could be one day too late."

You just never know....you really never know if you are gonna have another day with someone or not.

So be careful.

Because I Can.

So I have a confession to make. I took the plunge and I bought a horse. Just didn't think about it and bought her :) And it's so great.

She is an 11 year old Halflinger mare. She is tiny and I love her. So expect to see a ton of pictures of her for the rest of her life :)

I spent a good $200+ on her the other day too getting stuff ready. I'm hoping I can get her over to my barn this weekend, and if not then then next week.

So introducing Charlie :) Enjoy.

And as a friend of mine pointed out...I now have a Charlie-horse :)

I'm a happy girl. Making my dreams come true :)

♫ If you didn't love me, I don't know how I could do this. Without your sweet smile, this would be a tougher world. Sometimes it feels like I'm running straight into the wind. But you whisper those three words and it's at my back again." -Phil Stacey "If You Didn't Love Me"