I'll Be In Your Forever.

I'm gonna steal my friends blog idea and do a month by month thing here.
First I gotta say that in like May or June, my laptop got some virus and I lost everything on it, so I have basically no good pictures from the first half of the year.

In January 2012- I have no idea what happened because it was like a year ago and I have no recollection of it :)

February-
I got engaged to Cody.

March- Nothing special happened, and oh, I don't have any pictures of anything.

April-

We celebrated one year of my brother being married :) yay for a sister (in-law)!

I turned 20 :)

Cody and I went to a PBR (Professional Bull Riding) event in Indianapolis which was AWESOME.

May-

This post is turning out to be a bad idea because I can't seem to remember anything and I don't have any pictures :( I'm regretting deleting my facebook....

June-

I got married

I moved home from my apartment in Indianapolis

My lovely brother turned 23 :)

July-

I celebrated 2 years of BATMAN :)

I prided myself in having finished a whole year of school.

I went the second year in the row without seeing a single firework for the 4th of July, which was incredibly depressing.

I got my job at the barn, and was blessed with a great friendship with my boss, along with great horse-related opportunities :)

Cody and I went to an IPRA rodeo. His first ever.

August-

Fall was finally sort of coming and I loved it :)

I was blessed with an incredibly opportunity to meet an amazing friend that has impacted my life tremendously.

I went to lots of yard sales.

Cody and I took a roadtrip to Newport Aquarium in Kentucky and we went to Cincinatti Zoo which is still my favorite zoo.

I went to the INDIANA STATE FAIR, which may or may not be my favorite thing of the year. Such good food.

(August is my favorite month, and I'm depressed that I don't have good pictures from it)

September-

I rode a lot of horses :)

I did a lot of driving back and forth for school.

I did a lot of homework. (story of my life, up until now)

October-

Fall was in full swing. I purchased my first pumpkins ever and ate at least 100 carmel apples.

I ended my classroom school time and started my externship at T&C Vet Clinic.

I grew up a little bit.

Clifford (the medium-sized red truck) came into my life and I love him a lot :)

I rode this girl a lot.

My family spent a day in Nashville :)

November-

I was in full work mode! Did my externship constantly.

My family spent some time at Brown County State Park.

Nando did a lot of swimming when it was freezing outside.

I graduated from college, earned my degree, and kissed International Business College goodbye forever :)

My uncle married the best girl ever on 11.11.11(+1) at 1:23pm. No lie. Because they are crazy like that.

December-

Nando turned 8 years old. My baby is growing up <3

Christmas came and went rather uneventfully.

The vet clinic I was externing at offered me a full time job, which I accepted. That turned out to be one of the most rewarding decisions I've made.

My Daddy turned 50. And no one dared make a big deal out of that fact. :)
----------------------------------------------------


Looking back at this year, it has been the hardest, most painful and miserable year of my life. I know I'm only 20, and I've had it pretty easy most of my life, but this year really showed me how hard life is. I've never felt so hurt and lonely and just plain miserable as I have this year. I wish I could look back at 2012 and remember lots of really great things, but the truth is that I just can't.

Generally people are happy about bringing in the new year, and I am so happy to be getting a fresh start, but I'm overwhelmed by the disappointment I'm feeling in myself over the past year. I can't help but feel like I could have done so much better.

Did God bless me with a lot the past year? Yes, he never fails to. But overall, this past year has been horrible, and I'm glad to be bidding it farewell.
I know I messed up. I made some of the worst mistakes of my life this year, and looking back I realize how just plain stupid and hard headed I can be/have been. I wish so badly that I could take back a lot that happened, but life doesn't work that way.

HOWEVER, that being said, I'm constantly reminded that I'm not a complete failure. I'm proud of myself. I graduated college. I managed to balance working a full-time job, a part-time job, and school. Not to mention surviving marriage and hanging on during a storm that doesn't seem to ever want to let up. I've grown up this year so much, and I've learned a lot about myself.

I lost a lot of really great friends this year that I miss terribly. This year has been such a big wake-up call that life isn't like it used to be when you grow up. You're school friends move on to have lives of their own, lives that don't include you anymore. It is crazy sad to say goodbye to people at the end of a season and know it's a forever goodbye. But that's life. And that's okay.


I could go on forever talking about myself and how I feel about my life. Maybe a New Year's Resolution for me should be to be less self-absorbed :) But I don't make New Year's Resolutions so nevermind.


I wanna take a second to thank God for:


Family that, although they are hard on you a lot, love you no matter what. You've taught me that it's okay to fail sometimes. It's okay to make a mistake, and even when you do, family won't walk out on you. They are in your life forever. So it's okay to make a mistake. Everyone does.

Friends that show you what LOVE really means. That stick by you when absolutely no one else would. One in particular. You've showed me that it's ok to lean on someone when you're too tired to stand on your own. And you've always been a rock-solid wall I can count on. I've never had a friend like that, and I thank God every day for allowing me the opportunity to share my life with someone so special.

My job(s)...I can't say enough how incredible it is to be able to work for the people i work for. I love my jobs so so much and it's amazing to me that I can spend time doing what I'm so passionate about.

Cody For putting up with me for a whole six months. Who knows what the future holds, but I hope to God it's easier than the last six months. Thanks for being patient with me. I know I deserve to be pinched sometimes :) You've showed me that a promise is a promise. I can't say enough for how great you've been sticking with this as best as you know how. Every storm runs out of rain...or so they tell me.

Lastly I want to thank God for never giving up on me. This year I've felt like that one sheep that runs away from the 99, and the Shepherd leaves those 99 to look for that one sheep (Luke 15:4). No matter how far you think you've run from Him, he finds you. You just have to be willing to be found by him. But I am soooooooo thankful that his mercies are new EVERY SINGLE MORNING.
Lyrics from a song I love:

"The only time I ever saw God run was when He ran to me, took me in his arms, held my head to His chest and said "My son's come home again", lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes. With forgiveness in His voice He said "Son, do you know I still love you?" -When God Ran.

So in conclusion.... I'm a drama queen right now :) My friends are rubbing off on me :) This day has been emotional, and I'm venting. So I apologize to all reading this.
I'm thankful for a fresh start, and I'm determined to make the most of the next year.

Here's to 2013!

♫ My love, there's only you in my life. The only thing that's bright...your eyes-
They tell me how much you care. Two hearts that beat as one...Cause you mean the world to me. You know I've found in you my endless love.♫
Lionel Richie "My Endless Love"

Because, You Know, 12 Inches of Snow Wasn't Enough

So Tuesday night, we got about 12 inches of snow...overnight. Our works were cancelled, basically we were snowed in. BUT then apparently that wasn't quite enough snow, and last night we got hit with another 3 inches. So all that hard work and time I spent shoveling our entire driveway was wasted. So sad. And frustrating.
Bright side?

I LOVE SNOW. It's beautiful. I love being cold and how even if the sun isn't shining outside, it still seems light outside because everything is white. It's perfect. And growing up I used to hate when the snow would get all dirty and messed up, but now that hubs and i live out in the sticks, no one plows and no one messes up our yard but me and my dog :)

Christmas was fun. Uneventful, and the food was by far the best part, but it was good. Got lots of goodies, most of which i bought for myself with Cody's work bonus check. :)

So some pictures.
First, these next few are awful because I took them through the screen and glass of my window. But this Cardinal was fighting hard to stay on this limb during the snow storm, and I thought it was hilarious to see his little hair on the top of his head all bent over.

This is Batman's favorite past time. (There's a bird on the feeder)

And then on to Christmas! This was probably my second favorite gift that I got. All 5 seasons. My favorite show :) LOVE ITTT.

This is Nando with his Christmas penguin :) He didn't want to pose today so he is pouting. His toy has a squeaker in it, and he loves just squeak squeak squeaking it ALL THE TIME. I'm starting to regret getting toys like that for him.

So I've been feeling kind of puny all night/day...wasting my day off by watching hours of tv and sleeping through most of it. I had so much I needed to do today, but the fact that I would have to dig Stanley (my car) out of the snow is mostly what is keeping me inside.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Christmas!

♫ Ridin’ down the road in my pick-up truck
Ya’ better be ready ’cause I’m pickin’ you up
With a full moon shinin’ and a little bit a’ luck
We’ll run outta gas and maybe get stuck

We can get lost, baby, I don’t care
I ain’t worried as long as you’re there
Ain’t no place that I’d rather be
Next to you sittin’ next to me ♫ Rascal Flatts "Next to you, Next to me"

It's About That Time

So as I write I'm in the car on the way up to my grandparents house for Christmas. And its gonna be a long 3 hours :)

This month has gone by so fast. It's unreal that its already Christmas. Life is flying by me, and its all I can do to hang on. But I'm loving it.

I love most of my life right now. I love my family. I love my friends and my job and my dog.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas day. Hopefully this ridiculous 6-9 inches of snow doesn't actually happen.

Merry Christmas loves :))

"When it comes to love, I may not know the rules..but there's one thing I know : my heart belongs to you, just to you. You show me you love me with a fire that burns deep inside."-like I am by rascal flatts :)

Nando isn't especially happy to be in the car this long.

It's FINALLY Beginning To Look Like Christmas

That's right. It snowed. Finally. And Nando couldn't be happier :) He loves playing in the snow.

Today was my last day of school, and I was supposed to go up to Indy for my meeting, but I skipped. So I'm having my last ever snow day.
I'm getting so excited for Christmas. I love shopping for it, but opening gifts, eating so much good food, and seeing all my family is so much better. I cannot wait.
ONLY 4 MORE DAYS.

On an unrelated note, and off the Christmas topic for a minute, there was an awesome sunset the other night. And of course, I have pictures.

I love where our house is. We get the best sunsets.

And back to SNOW!!!

This is the extent of our Christmas decorations too. I need to get Nando a matching stocking because it drives me nuts that they don't match. So that's coming.

And because I love messing with Nando

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♫ If I had known the way that this would end, If I would have read the last page first, If I had had the strength to walk away, If I'd have known how this would hurt...I would've loved you anyway. I'd do it all the same, not a second I would change, not a touch that I would trade. Had I known my heart would break, I would have loved you anyway. Had I seen this coming, you'd still see me running straight into your arms. I would have loved you anyway. ♫
-Trisha Yearwood "I Would've Loved You Anyway"

Sometimes, You Just Make It Work

Nando is 80 pounds and still thinks he is a lap dog :)

Presh :)

Reckless

Saddest thing.
I can't write anymore. For a while there, I would come up with all this stuff to write, and I loved every minute of it. But now, I feel like I have absolutely no inspiration. That breaks my heart. I want to write. I love writing. But I can't. And I'm sad :(

So here's a picture.

This is a precious picture of three barn cats that came in to get spayed/neutered at our clinic. And they were terrified. So they mashed themselves into this litter box. Keep in mind that that box is only about 10 in by 10 inches. And those are three full grown cats. I love it. Adorable.

Zero inspiration = zero posts

19 days til Christmas. Yippee!

♫ I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away
I hear the sound of my own voice
Asking you to stay...
This slope is treacherous
This path is reckless
This slope is treacherous
And I, I, I like it ♫

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days

So. I've been really praying that God would soften my heart lately because lets face it...I'm super ridiculously stubborn and hard-headed. I really can tell a difference in myself already and I'm so thankful for that.

I'm trying to grasp the fact that loving someone really does mean putting them and their happiness above your own. Even when it hurts. Even when it doesn't make you happy. You do it because you love them, because you know it's right and you want that person to be happy more than anything. Why in the world do we work so hard at something that #1 makes you feel better for like a millisecond, but sucks in the long run and #2 hurts someone you claim to love? It's crazy. But my heart has softened so much.

And basically, to all the people reading this...I love you :)

Good news? I got hired officially at the Vet Clinic I was interning at. I'm so ridiculously excited. Yay for a full time grown up job!!!

Last week I put my Christmas tree up...

It's a two foot tall tree. Anything bigger and my cat would destroy it. But that's beside the point. Anyways, I feel like I should take it all down for a couple of days considering tomorrow is December 1st and it's supposed to be about 64 degrees. Have I mentioned how much I love Indiana weather?

And because you know me and my stupid obsession with horses... here's more pictures.

First of all it was a pretty full moon Thursday morning so lets start with that.

Then the horses: Maverick in front of his stall window. I think these look so cool.

And then Berni:

Khan:

Banner eating an apple :)

And then the new guy Kris:
(Could his head look any bigger?!?)

And this one is really cute!

And the best piece of news. I am the luckiest girl in the whole world to get to work in such a beautiful place. It opens in like 2 weeks :) Here's the progress so far.

So needless to say, I'm having a pretty ok week. Got to catch up with some friends on Wednesday which was nice. Felt good to be back in that world again, but I was glad to see it go :)

Life is groovy right now. Things are settling down.

♫ Let there be cowgirls for every cowboy, and make them as strong as any man. Somethin' you can't tame, she's a mustang, the heartbeat of the Heartland. She's got a drawl, ya'll, the salt of the earth that rocks my world. Let there be cowgirls♫ -Chris Cagle

For Lack of A Better Title....

Haven't gotten around to writing in a while. I work all the time and sleep when I'm not working.
Last weekend my family had a bonfire at my parents house. It was huge. So here are some pictures.

On the left side of this next picture you can see my dog. Shows just how big our fire was getting.

And on the right side of this picture, you can see my brother. He is about 5'10". Our fire was HUGE when it got to its highest point.

And then I have to add a picture that I just think is adorable. I was basically asleep sandwiched between my two boys. Batman's eyes look crazy, but you can see how they are laying when Cody snapped this picture :)

Thanksgiving was amazing this year. Had a good time with Cody's parents, and then hung out with my family some. Had ourselves a little euchre tournament at my parents, and guess who won... :) This girl and her hubs. We beat everyone. Ended up 4-0 :) I love winning.

Lastly, yesterday night Cody and I went bowling (don't get me started on that.I suck)
and afterwards we decided to get some junk food. I had my heart set on a cookie cake, but I know they are like 10 bucks at Marsh. So we go to Marsh, and what do we find??

That's right. That sale sticker says $2.99. We paid only THREE DOLLARS on a very delicious cookie cake. I was so happy. We got really lucky. And then we ate half of it that night when we got home. Because we are fatties.

I'm happy. Finally content. I know what I'm going to be doing for the next couple of years. I know where I'll be and everything and that sense of peace makes things so much easier. Now that I know that I won't be leaving, I'm not so stressed about figuring things out. Cody and I are in a really good place right now, so, it's nice that things have finally settled down. FINALLY.
I love my job. Both of them :)

Life is good. Keep smiling.

♫If you're lookin' to be somebody's 'just friends',
A little laughin', little lovin', never callin' again, that's just fine
If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak, Be mine.
I guess that all I'm tryin' to tell ya
Is a minute with you is better than two without
Oh, I won't be a fool but I can't play it cool
So I'm playin' safe and I'm breakin' the rules
I'm wishin' I had what I know that you got
So if you're comin' my way then please don't stop♫
- "Somebody's Heartbreak" Hunter Hayes

Why I Ride

I've been riding horses since before I could walk. That love so many years ago has quickly turned into a passion for horses. People who have never ridden a horse can't seem to understand. But those of us likewise afflicted with the Horse-loving bug know exactly why they do what they do.

My first horse's name was Prince. This is me when I was like 9 years old with him :)

This next one is an incredibly embarrassing picture of me (give me a break) and my horse, my brother and our pet goat Freckles. Ah, the good old days.

So why do I ride horses? I'm glad you asked.

I ride because it makes me feel free.
I ride to fly.
to soar.
to feel and to breathe.
to laugh.
to relax.
to feel like I can control something.
to lose the need to control anything.
to overcome, to heal.
to prove them wrong.
to discover myself again.
to grow.
to communicate without words.
to belong...to feel strong.
to love and be loved back.
I ride to feel alive again.

"Why does she ride horses? She's been trying to escape since she was little."-Lucien

A lovely horse is always an experience…. It is an emotional experience of the kind that is spoiled by words. ~Beryl Markham

“The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit and fire.” Shannon Ralls Lemon

“A horse is the projection of peoples’ dreams about themselves -strong, powerful, beautiful- and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence” Pam Brown

“Horses are incredibly forgiving. They fill in places we’re not capable of filling
ourselves.” Buch Brannaman

"A horse is poetry in motion" -Unknown

I ride because it makes me feel like I'm finally living again, not just being. It's the one place I can go that makes the rest of the world disappear. I do what I do because it makes me feel free.