Throwing Out A Line

You may or may not have seen the show "River Monsters" on Animal Planet. I love that show, and I realized today that I feel like Jeremy Wade.

Jeremy Wade, the star of the show, spends hours waiting to catch these crazy big fish. He will get the fish he has been waiting for on the line, but as he is reeling it in he runs into a problem. The fish puts up more of a fight than Jeremy initially thought he would. He pulls and pulls and reels it in as fast as he can but no matter how hard he tries, the fish continuously pulls out more line than Jeremy can gain.

On one end of the line, Jeremy fights these fish for hours on end without making any progress. He reels in four feet of line, the fish pulls out five feet. He wrestles relentlessly to catch what he knows is a big fish. It means so much to him that he risks his life just to get a glimpse of the fish, just to touch them and see them.
And the whole time he is trying to reel this fish in, he knows how important it is to get the fish on board his boat. He knows that if he can just hold on a little longer, get through the temporary pain he is feeling as he fights, that the reward will be worth it. His body hurts, he is emotionally and mentally spent from putting everything he has into this fight, but it's worth it to him. So he keeps trying.

On the other end of the line, the fish is fighting just as hard to get away. The fish pulls and pulls against the line wondering why he can't swim away. He doesn't understand that Jeremy's intent isnt to hurt him.

The reality is that only two things can happen: the line breaks or the fish is caught. If he is finally reeled in, Jeremy only looks at them and then releases them, no harm done. But if the line breaks, or Jeremy is forced to cut the line, the fish will carry that hook in his mouth for a long time, possibly forever. It may cause pain or discomfort for the rest of that fish's life. But the fish doesn't realize that. He fights to get away anyways.

Do you get my connection to relationships/friendships in our lives here?

There's Jeremy, fighting for something that is so important to him. Willing to risk life and limb just for a few minutes of contact with this prize he is pursuing. Knowing full well that what he is fighting for is priceless to him.

And then there's the fish, fighting to get away from something. He doesn't know what it is that is pulling on him, he doesn't understand why whatever is holding him won't let go. He just fights to get away because it's all he knows. It is the nature of the fish to get away, despite the fact that it will cause him a bit of pain and discomfort that won't ever go away.

They are both just as determined, one pulling one way, the other pulling just as hard in the opposite direction. At the end of all of this only two things can happen.
The first senario is that you catch the fish. You reel the fish in, you get your encounter. You've been pursuing this for however long, and you get what you wanted. You're happy, the fish is finally set free with no pain, no hurt, and he goes on to live his life. This is the happy ending, but it isn't generally the one that happens, unfortunately.

However, the more common senario isn't so happy, but it tends to be the one that occurs more (in my life). In this case, after fighting too long, Jeremy realizes that he isn't making any progress. Every effort he makes to connect with this fish fails, and no matter how hard he tries, he knows that he isn't ever going to get this fish back close enough to him. The fish is so determined to get away that the fight isn't worth the hurt and effort Jeremy experiences. It's too dangerous, too painful.

So he cuts the line. It's the only option. He has to decide to cut the line before it breaks with no warning. And the danger of the line breaking is that it is so unexpected that the ramifications of the line breaking could hurt you even more.

So he snips the line. He cuts that last small tie connecting himself to the one thing that he wants more than anything. He ends hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. And in the end, the fish is left with a big hook in its mouth. The fish carries that pain/discomfort forever. (I don't know how long or if it hurts but it can't be comfortable to have a big ol' metal hook in your mouth for the rest of your life). Sad ending for both things involved.

This post is so jumbled and weird and dumb but it made sense to me. I feel like Jeremy Wade.
This is him by the way. Watch the show. It's incredible. (Got this pic from Google)

My first day of externship went well. However, news today made the future job situation much more complicated. I wish I knew what was going to happen. Time is a-flyin' away from me.

I miss my friends so bad. I miss HAVING friends so bad. Things are so hard.
Is it worth this?!? Because the days are ticking by faster than you think. Before you know it, time is up and you missed your chance all together. And I don't think I want that to happen. ughhuhhhh.
I wish I had some new pictures to post.
Happy Monday..or whatever. :)

♫I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye. And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you, I hope you know that every time I don't...I almost do♫ Taylor Swift

10,000 Words

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS A LOT OF PICTURES! =]

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to Brown County State Park and Nashville with my family (including my grandparents). We had a blast. So, here are some pictures.

Just some pretty scenery.

This was my favorite picture from the day. The park was gorgeous.

Me & My Daddy at the park :) I love him.

And Me and my sister (in-law) on our tire horses!

I love these carriage horses. And we ate lots of junk food. Like kettle corn and caramel apples- a personal favorite.

I'm not really sure what these are called but they are so pretty.

Then a couple nights ago there was a really pretty sunset...I didn't edit this picture at all...straight off the camera. It was so pretty.

And of course pictures from the barn this morning.

The fearsome-foursome :) Mav, Khan, Berni and Dolce.

And because my family is beautiful :) One last picture of us from Nashville.
The "Wild" family :)

(Sorry these pictures aren't great. Somebody (ME) left her camera at the house. So most of these are off my phone, or my grandpa took them.)

Have a lovely week!!

♫ I miss the colors that you brought into my life- Your golden smile, those
blue-green eyes. I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now saying it'll be alright. I miss my friend. The one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with, the one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again, & let the light back in..I miss my friend. ♫ -Darrell Worley

Let Me Love You

♫ Every now &then, some little thing, I've buried comes bubblin' up. Once in a while, you feel close enough to touch. I miss you a little since you've been gone. A few little memories keep hangin' on.
I miss you a little, I guess you could say..
A little too much, a little too often, a little more every day ♫

Have you ever said goodbye to someone [who means a lot to you] somewhat casually, like you do every day, but it just feels different this time? Like they were just saying "Goodbye" as in "See you later", but deep in you heart you knew YOU were saying a forever goodbye? I hadn't really experienced that before. Until now. And honestly? I have nothing more to say. I'm sad Sarai today. This has been the hardest, most emotional year of my life.

But here's what I learned/realized. I'm still in a huge storm. Things are so hard. But.. There's a season for that. (Ecc. 3)

When things feel so hopeless and sad & it seems like nothing is going right for you.
There's a season for that.
When things feel great and it's like life can't ever get any better than it is now.
There's a season for that.
When you feel as if you're all alone in everything you face, like you have no friends or anyone standing by you.
There's a season for that.
When you feel like you're losing everything that ever meant anything to you. When you feel things are harder than they've ever been &you don't want to be strong anymore?
There's a season for that.

There's a right time for everything. There is a reason for the season you are in right now. It may seem like you have been in the midst of a storm for too long. Believe me, that's how I feel. But I keep telling myself that God is going "keep pushing through it, breakthrough is right around the corner. But you have to keep going."
I know a quote that says something to the effect of: "Sometimes God will let you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that HE is the rock at the bottom". So, don't give up on him. God won't give you more than you can handle. That's a promise.
Speaking of promises. Here's a rainbow for your rainy day.

I get sick of people saying "Things will get better". It's too cliche. I've been hearing that for weeks MONTHS now, and I know that things are maybe getting better somehow, somewhere, but I don't see it yet. And as much as I hate people telling me that...it's true. I don't know when it's going to happen. I don't know how long I have to wait for these better things/days. But I know it's coming. It has to be.
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Just a favorite picture of mine. Wanted to bring it back. On a completely unrelated note...
Don't stop love. :) Don't fight it. Love who you love with all that you have, and don't waste the time that flies so fast. Hold on as tight as they'll let you.
You never know when you won't get another opportunity to tell someone how your really feel. To show them how much they really mean to you. Don't waste time. Because there isn't much time left. And if you don't say and do what you want, that regret will eat you up for the rest of your life.
So say it. And mean it with all that's in you. Overuse "I love you".
You won't regret it.

A super true quote from One Tree Hill (I don't watch this show, but I ran across this quote and I loved it)

~Most of our life is a series of images - they pass us by like towns on a highway.
But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image...
We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.~

Have a happy weekend!! Jesus loves you :)

♫ I saw ya yesterday with an old friend
It was the same ole same "how have you been"
Since you been gone my worlds been dark & gray.
You reminded me of brighter days
I hoped you were comin' home to stay.
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today..♫-Kid Rock (a good rainy day song)

The Voyage

The first thing you need to know is that I have never ridden a roller coaster. Ever. And I never will.

With that being said, although I've never experienced it, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it should or would feel like to be on one. Because lets face it, I'm pretty smart. :)
I understand now what people mean when they say "Life is a roller coaster ride". This week is like the build up to the action. I can feel myself chug-chug-chugging along up this crazy steep incline. I am getting excited and anxious because every once in a while I catch a glimpse of what is coming up. You get that tightness in your stomach, fear mixed with excitement, because you know what's coming, but you aren't quite there yet.
This weekend is going to be when I hit the peak, the highest point before the drop of my roller coaster. I've been on this ride for 16 months now. I've been watching for this incline, but for so long the tracks keep rolling out in front of me, turn after turn, some periods of long, flat, boring track. But now I've come around the last bend, I'm climbing the hill, and finally I can see the ridiculous drop that I've waited the whole ride for.

I start my 8 week externship on Monday at the best vet clinic EVER.. It's going to be a blast.
I'm so ready to be done with school. I already feel like life is finally slowing down which is so nice.
So yay for today. Things are changing so fast and I am loving it. This is change I've been waiting for :)

This is just a cool picture..I thought, from the other morning. It's not good quality because I was driving and it's off my phone. But there was this big dark wall of clouds and the sun was coming through at just one spot. I thought it was pretty :)

Have a happy Tuesday! I know I am :)

♫ I still love you, and I will forever.
We can't hide the truth, we know each other better.
When we try to make it work, we both end up hurt-
Love ain't supposed to be that way...
I know everything is gonna be ok, so baby stay.♫ -Jimmy Wayne

Mind Games

This post is going to be a bit jumbled. Just some things going on in my head tonight.

First- I hate awkward moments. A lot. Especially when it is with someone you used to be able to talk to so easily. Don't get me wrong, it takes a lot for me to actually say "that was an awkward moment". Silence isn't awkward for me. But forced conversations and abrupt endings are.
Recently, I have had a few of these awkward moments with people that used to be really close to me, with people that used to be people that I could talk to for hours without a second of silence. Suddenly it feels like they are just trying to end the conversation, or not even give it a chance to start. You grow apart for whatever reason, and then when you finally make a concerted effort to rekindle that friendship, it ends up one of those awkward moments. Which sucks. And it's crazy to me that you can look back at those insanely long conversations you used to have and just a little bit of time can pass and boom...it's weird between us.
I don't know why I feel so bothered by this. I'm sure the situation that happened that made me write this was just a misunderstanding. But it's hard for me to not get my feelings hurt. It's hard not to say something like "geez what in the world happened tonight?!?"
I just miss having friends. I feel like I don't have any friends I can just talk to and that's the worst feeling. Not a fun place to be. Hopefully this season is over soon. Ugh.

Which kinda leads me to my second rant. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO over cell phones. I deleted my Facebook a couple weeks ago and it's the best thing I've done. I'm sick of social media stuff :) But lately cell phones just make me depressed. I don't talk to anyone but Cody once in a while on it. So it's just a constant reminder that I don't have anyone talking to me/to talk to. Which is pathetic. I wish I lived in a time where we didn't have cell phones and texting and facebook. Things would be so much simpler. Less ways for drama, less complications, less ways to feel let down. Relationships would be so much more intimate because people would actually talk...what a novel idea. RANT RANT RANT.
I've always wished I had been born 100 years earlier. I don't belong here. But here I am- making the best of it.

Looking at the way things are in my life right now, and knowing things are going to change drastically in just 2 months, I'm feeling a bit like I'm racing against time. I have relationships that need mended before I leave for good. I have things that need done before life moves on, and I have this sickening feeling that I may end up driving away from this town with some loose ends that have yet to be tied..and never will be. And that scares me. Sometimes, second chances are hard to come by.

I'm having these crazy realizations lately. Like I'm graduating college. I'm moving away. I won't be in school anymore at all. I won't see my friends from school probably ever again. I've grown to really cherish some of my girlfriends at school and those friendships have slowly faded down to nothing as we all realize this season is coming to a close.
Everything is changing so fast. It's like I've been looking forward to these big moments for months, even years, and now that it's here, it's scarier than I imagined it would be. Lots of unknowns.

RANT RANT RANT. GRIPE GRIPE GRIPE. Sorry :)
Now a cute picture of Nando. With a sock on his nose. Just because it's funny and he lets me do it :)

Smile. Know things will change eventually. Just keep swimming.

♫So don't smile at me if it ain't what you need
With that goodbye in your eyes
I know that I can't change it ♫ -Zac Brown Band "Goodbye In Her Eyes"

Some Morning Silliness

You can't not smile when you see this guy in the morning.
(he has hay stuck to his face)
I love the horses at my barn so much. :)

So things are complicated right now. I used to have a pretty good idea of how things would go in a couple months, or at least what I wanted things to be like. But now...well God threw a curveball :) And truthfully, I'm okay with that.
I'm trusting things will line up by the time they need to. God's got this under control.

-No interview in Lexington this weekend. :(
-Only 5 days of college class left :)
-I love my family. I love my friends. I love my dog.
-I won the photo "scavenger hunt" @ school

I'm not feeling very inspired anymore. So..nothing good to say.

Have a blessed week!


♫ I'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar.
But with all my inspiration gone, it's not getting me very far.
I look around the room and everything I see reminds me of you.
Please, baby, won't you take my hand-we've got nothing left to lose. ♫

Birds & Songs

Ok. Today was awful. Well part of today.
Not many people know this about me...it's my deep dark secret. But I'm afraid of birds. Borderline terrified. I hate all of them. Chickens, turkeys, parrots, whatever. They all scare me.
Laugh all you want but it's the truth. So when it came to getting through the bird part of my vet tech schooling where I actually had to hold them and such...it was a challenge. But I got past that 8 weeks. And I may eventually need therapy. *joking*

So today I had a test in my large animal class..I'm waiting in the classroom with all my friends doing some last minute studying like always, and then my teacher walks in...with a big ol' bird on her shoulder.
Now as long as it stays up there with her and FAR AWAY FROM ME I was fine. But as soon as the classroom door shut that dumb bird flew all over the room, landing on people's shoulders, flying around all crazy. And needless to say, I immediately forgot everything I previously knew about Gastrointestinal and Neurological diseases in horses.
My morning was traumatic. :)

I don't know whose kid this is, I saw the picture on Pinterest. But lets be real. That's the face I make when I see birds...like today.

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I'm gonna start this next part with an apology. I'm sorry that I relate everything back to a country music song. It's all I listen to and I love every bit of it. So deal.
Kenny Chesney has a song called "I Go Back". And it's kinda about how when he hears a certain song it takes him back to a special memory or whatever. (I heard it today, twice, and it really got me thinking about which songs really spark something with me. It got me reminiscing, which is also one of my favorite things to do. Because life used to be a lot simpler, a lot more fun.)

Well I love those moments. I love hearing that special song come on the radio and it immediately brings a smile to your face or even a tear to your eye.
For example: When you have best friend/boyfriend/love/whatever it is, every song is "your song". You feel you can relate to almost any song in some small way. But there's always a song that you feel really defines your relationship.

Like the song "We Got Us" by Canaan Smith brings back memories of when Cody and I first met.
Every Sugarland song makes me smile because one of the best nights of my life was going to the Sugarland concert last year FOR FREE with my best friend and her guy (plus me and Cody) and we looked fabulous :)

And then there are songs that just plain make you smile. Just hearing those first few chords, those first few words of a song can make your heart skip a beat.
Like the song "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line.
I love that song so much for so many reasons. It's safe to say it's my favorite song right now, and I love it not only because it's a good song, but because it makes me think of a lot of good times. Especially now. It hits my heart like no song has in a while, and just hearing it start gives me chills :)

And I even have that with my best friend. Pretty much every country song that came out before 2010 has some sort of great memory attached to it with Victoria (my bff).
The song "Austin" by Blake Shelton brings back soooooooo many memories. We were obsessed with that song, so much so that we changed our voicemails on our phones to be like "blah blah blah and P.S. if this is Victoria/Sarai, I still love you" hah Until we realized how weird that was. Then we grew up a little bit. I really miss my best friend. :/

Songs have the ability to change my whole day in a matter of minutes. I love music as much as anyone else, but I am just crazy about those songs that really tug at my heart strings. I'm such a girl. I'm feeling so nostalgic today. It must be the weather. Thank God it's Friday night.

P.S. I just looked it up and I have Ornithophobia. An abnormal or irrational fear of birds. :) Pray for me.


♫It's like a storm that cuts a path, It breaks your will..It feels like that
You think you're lost, But you're not lost on your own. You're not alone.

I will stand by you. I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope, I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry, I know it's dark, this part of life.
Oh it finds us all, and we're too small to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains, I will stand by you♫
-Rascal Flatts

Have a good weekend loves!
And remember, every storm runs out of rain. This too shall pass.