Talk About A Whirlwind

Holy. Cow.

This has been the craziest experience of my life. There's a quote that says "Just when you think life can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think life can't get any better, it can".
That's so so true.

Going through my divorce, and actually finally doing it, I thought was the hardest thing I would ever go through. I thought life couldn't get any worse. But it did.

But the last few days have changed my life drastically.
We have had a guest speaker at the church and the first day he talked about "Surviving the In-Between". In saying that, he meant that you can get through the initial conflict, but not be completely done with the problem yet. You came out of Egypt, but you're not in the Promised Land yet. He explained that most of the time, the "in-between" time can be the hardest part of it.

I thought that finally saying the words and filing the papers was the hardest part of my problem, but it was just the beginning. I've been hit so many times the past few weeks and I wondered why it felt harder now when I thought it should be easier.

Nigel (our guest speaker) said that you can get through a conflict purely because you're in survival mode. So you push your way through the initial conflict, but after that you're left to just lick your wounds and you're weak and tired. But you aren't out of the woods yet so you have to keep fighting even though you don't feel like you have anything left.
That's how I've felt.

I've been so desperate for answers. And Sunday morning I finally got them. God got a hold of me and broke off every chain. He lifted that burden and my goodness I've never felt so free. I have joy like I haven't had in YEARS. I came to a whole new level.

I'm don't have to endure the next 38 days. I can enjoy them.

I've become so much stronger. I feel so hopeful and strong and free. Finally. Things are looking up.
Nigel spoke over me and said "I'm speaking over your life today, God says it's moving day. You're coming out of this."

And all I have to say is that I am coming out of this.


Im just so happy now :)

So. this is a post to say no more drama and complaining. from now on only sunshine and rainbows :)) Spring is finally coming so expect pretty pictures.

29 days until I leave for florida for a weeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!! I can't wait.

Life is good.

Break Every Chain

Ever made one mistake, a big mistake, and then as you're recovering from that, you can't seem to stop making mistakes?

I've never felt so trapped in my "freedom" before. And I'm finding it so hard to stay here. I can't seem to get my feet under me again enough to walk through the rest of this storm.

But God decided to step in. And that changed everything.

I went to a Jesus Culture concert Friday night in Cincinnati, and I can honestly say I had an incredible encounter with God. I went in expecting to be set free. Free from the guilt and shame of my divorce. Free from the overwhelming feeling of failure and disappointment. Free from my past so that I could let go and finally grab hold of my future.

And God didn't disappoint. I've been trying so hard to get myself right with God again. I've been spending so much time just "soaking" in His presence, longing to just feel that peace and joy that comes with it. When the concert started Friday night, the worship was powerful. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. I lost myself in worship, just let his presence surround me, and I could feel those chains breaking off of me. By the time we left, my heart was so full of joy and I felt such peace in my current situation. I've been waiting months to feel so whole and complete again, and I finally did.

I'm so thankful that we serve such a powerful, present God. Ask, and it will be given. Seek, and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. It's never that he doesn't hear our prayers. He answers when we need it and how we need it...whether we agree or not. He knows better than we do, and he has the master plan for our lives. If you can trust him enough to let go of your pride and your control on your own life, he can do so much for you.

"Show God you are ready to be used by Him, and he will prove himself to be all you ever dreamed he would be. And more."

The speaker on Friday hit on one verse that really touched my heart. It was the verse in 1 John that says "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love."

I want to feel that love. I want to experience his PERFECT LOVE. On a daily basis. Or how about all the time. I'm so excited about the fresh start I am getting, with God especially. I believe he has such good stuff in store for me.

I'm encouraged. =]

And in 54 days. My life starts again.
In the meantime...Jesus is gonna get pretty sick of hearing from me :)


Blue Skies&Green Lights

♫ I would walk a thousand miles, a thousand miles it's true.
I would walk a thousand miles, just to be with you. Because you've got my heart
And you've got my soul
And you've got my promise too..♫

A Tell-Tale Heart

Wow.
What a week.
For real.

You know those ball pitching machine things they have? This week I feel like I am standing in front of one of those without a bat, and they are firing like 100 curveballs a second. And the balls it's pitching are made of like lead mixed with really heavy cement.. And it's all I can do not to just.....die. :)

That's how insane it has been. But you know what? I trust God is saying "Thank goodness she is still hanging on because I have such incredible plans for her future if she can just hold on a little longer". So to God I say "Alright dude. If you say so. But just so you know, my hands are starting to hurt". =]

Right in the middle of the biggest struggle in my life, I get offered the opportunity to pursue the job of my dreams. THE JOB OF MY DREAMS. When I applied for it all those months ago, I laughed as I mailed the application. I thought to myself that there was no way I would ever hear from them. And then BOOM. When I finally felt like I was figuring things out, here comes another round of curveballs.

Things I've realized throughout this week:

-it's not that God isn't speaking to you. It's that you aren't listening.
-it's up to you whether you want to call something a blessing or a curse. Make the best of what you're given. It could be a blessing in disguise.
-sometimes, you really do have to just rip the bandaid off in one quick motion. It's true that pulling it slower hurts worse :)
-it's better to admit you made a mistake early on. Don't stay involved in something because you feel obligated. Admit you messed up and change things.
-Just found out, scars are good. Cuts and wounds leave scars. Under scars is scar tissue. That gives you thicker skin. Thicker skin is good. Ergo: Wounds=good.
-If you give up on something, you'll live the rest of your life wondering what could have been. If you have to live life with regret, do what you want and regret it. Don't do what every one else wants, because then you'll spend your life regretting not being your own person and making your own mistakes.

I could go on forever because there's all this ridiculous stuff going on in my head. But there's more to that later. Maybe.

Things I want to do really bad:
-Go to on a movie date
-Go hiking
-Make rice crispie treats (On my sunday to-do list)
-Get a kitten
-HAVE A DAY OFF WORKkK...gah
-Have an afternoon to just sit and read the whole book "Dear John" because it's my favorite.
-Play football (or volleyball)

And lots of other things that I can't think of because i'm so tired.

I'm excited to see what God is going to do because lots of people keep telling me that the best things happen after you come out of a storm. Well I've been in one doozy of a storm so..it should be good. I'm not even sad/frustrated/scared anymore about what is going on. I'm just anxious and excited. And for the first time in months, I feel content. It's nice :)

I wish I had some happy pictures or something to post right now but I don't have any so here's a smile instead

:)

♫ You don't have to keep on smiling that smile that's driving me wild
And when the night is almost over
Meet me in the middle of a moonlit Chevy bench seat
And do a little bit of country song, hanging on
You don't have to keep me falling like this
But it'd sure be cool if you did♫ Blake Shelton "Sure Be Cool If You Did" aka my new favorite song.